'Allo 'Allo!
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Plot
Set during World War II, 'Allo 'Allo tells the story of René Artois, a French café owner in the village of Nouvion. The village has been occupied by the Germans, who have stolen all of its valuable artifacts. These include the first cuckoo clock ever made and a painting of The Fallen Madonna (known to those who have seen it as The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies) by Van Klomp. The commandant of the town has decided to keep them for himself after the war and gets René to hide the painting in his café. The Gestapo also want the painting and send Herr Otto Flick to find it.
At the same time the café is being used as a safe house for two brave but clueless downed British airmen. René is forced to work with the Resistance, who would otherwise shoot him for serving Germans in his café. The far-fetched plans of the Resistance to get the airmen back to England, which always fail, are one of the main running gags of the series.
René is also trying to keep his affairs with his two waitresses secret from his wife; in addition, the Communist women-only Resistance members are also plotting against René for serving Germans and working with the Gaullist Resistance. The only reason that they do not shoot René is that their leader is in love with him, a fact he has to hide from both his wife and his waitresses. Furthermore, the seemingly gay German Lieutenant Gruber is also continually flirting with René.
In the meantime, René's wife is getting proposals from Monsieur Alphonse, the village undertaker, who is torn between his love for her and his admiration for René as a true hero of France.
These few plot devices provided the basic storyline throughout the entire series, on which were hung classic farce set-ups, physical comedy and visual gags, amusing accents, and a fast-paced running string of broad cultural clichés that owed something to Monty Python. Each episode ran on from the previous ones, often requiring that the previous episode had also been watched in order for the plot to be fully understood. At the start of each subsequent episode, René would summarise the plot to date in a gag based on the device ("As you remember...") of serials. Coincidentally, in re-runs, local TV stations have shuffled the episodes, making the plot synopses useful.
The show's premise was not to make fun of the war but to spoof war-based film and TV dramas, and in particular a BBC1 drama about the resistance movement Secret Army, which ran from 1977 to 1979, and dealt with the activities of resistance workers based at a café in Brussels, though some inspiration was also drawn from patriotic black-and-white British melodramas of the 1940s. The French village setting is reminiscent of 1972's Clochemerle.
Languages
With four different languages (French, German, Italian and English) spoken by the characters, representing this to the audience could have been tricky. The programme uses the device of representing each language with English spoken in a theatrical foreign accent.
An exchange between French-speaking characters, conducted in English with a French accent, is totally incomprehensible to the English airmen until Michelle switches to Bertie-Wooster-esque "top hole, old chap"-style banter in an upper-class English accent. The English undercover officer Crabtree, in the permanent disguise of a French-speaking gendarme, speaks abominable French. His mangling of French vowels is represented by similarly distorted English, most famously his customary greeting catch phrase of "good moaning"; many of his distortions come out as innuendoes, such as "I was pissing by the door". Curiously, in spite of the difficulties in communicating with the English characters, the French, Germans and Italians all appear to understand each other's languages perfectly (With the notable exception of Crabtree).
The last few series introduced a new gag, where Colonel von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber are put in situations where they have to speak in a strange manner. In one episode, the two try to learn Spanish, which is basically "German" with high pitched voices and mangled consonants. In another they are forced to wear "suicide teeth" – large bulky dentures containing poison. This makes them garble their speech in order not to release the poison.
Characteristics
Though described as one-dimensional, most of the characters had a catchphrase, gimmick or saying which became running points of recognition throughout the series. These recognition points included:
- René
- (i) "You stupid woman!"
- Édith
- Incomprehensibly tuneless singing.
- Maria
- A tendency to spit with some force when speaking.
- Michelle
- "Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once"
- Fanny
- (i) "Will nobody hear the cries of a poor old woman?"
- Leclerc
- "It is I, Leclerc", accompanied by a raising of his glasses, presumably to reveal his identity; he seemed to think he was good at disguise (This was a deliberate dig at Clark Kent trying to hide his identity as Superman), even though he was always instantly recognisable no matter what he wore.
- Alfonse
- Ownership of "a dicky ticker"; that is, a heart condition. Also, his marketing phrase, "Alfonse, undertaker, swiftly and with style."
- Gruber
- Has the stereotypical effeminate manner of a homosexual, and a 'little tank', driven by the unseen 'Clarence'. Despite his overtly camp behaviour, however, it is revealed in the very last episode of the series that he eventually married Helga.
- Geering
- " 'tler! "; his abbreviated salute to the Führer (Geering is reportedly too lazy to use the full salute; rumours that Sam Kelly, a Jew, refused point blank to give the regular salute, are apparently false) [lingerie. This could be seen as a parody of Jane the British comic strip character (popular during World War II), who was always losing her clothes and constantly being captured or found in lingerie. Helga's attempts to seduce Herr Flick (invariably a particularly vigorous kiss) usually had no effect on him; (ii) When announcing visitors to the Colonel's office, Helga would always yell their names at the top of her voice, the most frequent being, "GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!".
- Herr Flick
- (i) A considerably exaggerated limp. (ii) His use of the word 'Gestapo' frequently as an adjective
- Officer Crabtree
- A British spy posing as a French police officer. Speaks incredibly bad French, most famously noticeable in his usual greeting
- Yvette
- In their stolen moments she would throw her arms around René and rumble with an elongated, deep growl of 'ooooooh, René'.
- The two British Airmen
- After putting their heads out from where they are hiding, they say "Helloo!" with an exaggerated British accent.
The beginning and the end
In the pilot episode, we are introduced to René's café and the German army enjoying lunch. The Germans have silver, a valuable cuckoo clock, and a painting that need hiding, and they call upon René to do so. But the resistance need to hide the British airmen and an old passport forger in Café René as well! When the Germans learn of this, they promise not to tip off the Gestapo as long as the paintings stay safe.
In the last episode, called Dénouement (French for Outcome), the Allies have invaded France and are on their way to arrest General von Klinkerhoffen and the other Germans. Trying to hide, the Colonel and Lieutenant Gruber make it to Café René and hide in the cellar where they find the British airmen (who have conveniently been shot down again). The Germans steal their uniforms and try to make it past the allies. However, General von Klinkerhoffen appears and surrenders. René gets an MBF medal, or the Magnificent Brother of France award (which really means Mad Bloody Frog award). We cut ahead about 40 or 50 years, to present-day France. René's son to Yvette has taken over the café, René reduced to a wheelchair-bound old man. Édith lives where the late Madame Fanny once was, and Mimi takes care of her. When Gruber, now a millionaire, arrives with his wife Helga, and chauffeur Erich von Strohm (aka the Colonel), everyone rejoices at seeing each other once again. Gruber knocks the arm off René's statue, and out comes the missing painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies – albeit with a circular hole where the left booby should have been. Yvette and René steal Gruber's car, shouting to Édith "You stupid woman! Can you not see... I AM ELOPING!" before he leaves the village.
Epsisode Guide
Series 1
Contains Episodes 1.1-1.6
1.1: The British are Coming (Pilot Episode)
René discusses arrangements for the girls with the eggwisk and the feather duster later. Yvette tells him that there is a woman in the back room. When René procedes inside, Michelle tells him (At gun point) about the French Resistance and the fact that until recently she has been hiding some british airmen in a safe house, following with a sad story of what happened to the owners of the safe house when found out. René is frightened when she tells him his is to be the next safe house. She also informs him that he will be harboring a forger who will make the airmen forged papers.
We cut to a scene of members of the resistance litterally breaking an elderly man out of jail. This man turns out to be LeClerc, though we do not learn this until later. Back in the Cafe, Edith informs René of the sequence of events that LeClerc will use to demonstrate that he is himself. Unfortunately, an unknown, Lieutenant Hubert Gruber shows up and carries through the sequence of events. René asks "Are you one of them?" and Gruber replies "Well, it was very lonley on the Russian front." LeClerc finaly turns up, and problems insue as he carries out the secret signals. Eventually all is straigtened out, or atleast set firmly crooked.
The British Airmen arive through the window of the back room. Antics insue when René and Yvette cannot speak their language. Eventualy, Michelle comes to help out, and they all go upstairs to use the radio.
Colonel Von Strohm and Captain Hans Geering are enjoying a quiet day, with the Colonel explaining to the Captaina about the theft of the Silver, the worlds oldest Cuckoo clock, and the painting of "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies" By Van Clomp. Herr Otto Flick, of the Gestapo arrives, and the two officers quickly hide the valuables. Herr Flick anounces that he is here to find the stolen painting, and the officers panick. They hide the treasures in René's cellar, only to find the British Airmen. However, Herr Flick comes in upstairs and, they cover for René so as not to be found out about the Fallen Maddona. Once Flick is gone, the Colonel declares that "Yvette will be upstairs in one hour with the feather dusters and the electric mixer...with three speeds!"
1.2: Pigeon Post
Michelle decides to use carrier pigeons to contact London about the missing uniforms, due to the fact that the two German officers are hiding in the room with the radio. The British airmen are captured by the communist resistance. The French resistance attack the Communist Resistance, and the British airmen think the French resistance are the Germans. They burn their uniforms, and escape.
Meanwhile, the two German officers dress as onion sellers. Flikk finds them, and they make up a story concerning their attempts to infiltrate the resistance. Now that the Germans are out of the room with the radio, Rene orders the uniforms via radio. The pigeons have no use, so Rene leaves them in the kitchen. Edith is asked to cook something special, so she uses the pigeons and makes a pigeon pie.
1.3: Saville Row to the Rescue
Colenel Von Strohm and Captian Hans Gering are disguised as onion sellers, while the uniforms are being made by a Jewish Tailor in London. Michelle gives Rene some nitroglicerin, saying it is to blow up a train. The explosives are disguised as gin, so Edith gives some to her mother and the chickens, thinking it is gin. The two Germans must meet General Von Klinkerhoffen, and they still do not have their uniforms back. The Germans tag along on a mission to blow up the train, and to get their uniforms as the plane from London will be arriving to give them their new uniforms and take the airmen back. The uniforms are too small, and the tailor (who arrived on the plane) must take them back. The plane is too small to bring back the airmen. The plane leaves, and Hans says he may as well take a drink from the bottle of "gin". Finding out the gin is an explosive, he throws the bottle on the train tracks, and it destroys them completly. Rene and the two officers are captured, and everyone else escaspes.
1.4: The Execution
Rene is in prison for destorying the train tracks, and the two German officers and in with him. The others hatch seperate plans, mostly consisting of sending them hacksaws. Then Edith and Fanny visit the prison, and switch clothes with the Germans, so the officers can escape. The officers make it back to their office, and find their uniforms when the General comes and tells them to shoot at least one peasant. Poor Rene is tied up. Gruber is to lead the firing squad. The two German officers bring along blanks to give to Gruber. Hans also brings along the real bullets for comparison, and Gruber takes both boxes. The firing squad load up, and fire. Renes last words are "Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. My bum is on a thistle!"
1.5: The Funeral
Rene is posing as his own twin brother, in order to not arouse suspicion. Alphonse the undertaker arrives to take the measurements for the coffin, and to organize the funeral. Michelle arrives and gives Rene land mines, which he hides in the coffin. The Colonel and the Captain attend the funeral to take the names of the resistance, and Herr Flikk spies in the background. The cemetary is locked, since the fake priest forgot the key (Leclerc). While the townsfolk argue over the lock, the coffin rolls away right towards Herr Flikks Gestapo staff car. It eventualy falls off, hits the ground and explodes.
1.6: Red Nick's Colonel
Things have returned to, if not normal, at least peaceful. Rene bakes a cake for the Colonel's birthday, but the Communist Resistance shows up to kidnap the Colonel. Rene is able to avoid trouble with the resistance only by revealing the icing on the cake was plaster of paris, and that his wife's "Serenade" was the verbal equivialant of torture. While Herr Flick searches the building and interogates anyone, Michelle and Rene get rid of the Radio.
Rene is kidnapped and taken to the Communist hide out to shoot the Colonel and the Captain. He manages not to have to when the Gaullist Resistance shows up with guns to save the day. Herr Flick is in his car looking for them. When he finaly finds them, Hans gives him at last, the forgery of the painting of the Fallen Maddona with the Big Boobies by Van Clomp, which was dropped by the RAF. It is not until later in Rene's cafe that the discover Herr Flick has the real one!
1.7: The Dance of the Hitler Youth
The new radio will arrive by Leclerc disguised as a cheese seller. Leclerc arrives with a suitcase. The radio is inside, and the radio is already connected. Gruber comes, and the radio starts whistling. Rene, faking it is him whistling is getting Gruber suspicious. Then the radio starts talking in code, and Rene tries combining the random words in a hilarious scene. The colonel walts Rene to reserve the cafe for a night, to celebrate the burning down of the Reichstag. Herr Flikk is not invited, and he finds out there is a party, so he comes and joins the party.
Meanwhile Rene and Edith are going to Herr Flikks headquarters to exchange the paintings. However, they do not know that the original painting is in his Gestapo boots. The painting in the headquarters is a forgery, and Rene and Edith give the forgery to a guard who putts it in Herr Flikks headquarters. They come back, and take the British airmen to the coast to row back to Britan. The airmen refuse, and they all return to the cafe.
End Of Series 1
Series 2
(Contains Episodes 2.1-2.6)
2.1: Six Big Boobies
The airmen are living in a nunnery, and Edith is looking for his will, since he is posing as his own twin brother. The will leaves everything he owns to Edith but a billiard table and a couch. Edith goes on a shopping spree, and leaves Rene unhappy. The Colonel is trying to blackmail Rene, but Rene comes back with a worse retort.
Herr Flikk is in his Gestapo headquarters. The copies of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies are on the wall. He kidnapps Gruber, who he thinks is an art expert. He indeed is an art expert, and tells Herr Flikk which one is the real one.
The airmen arrive in the cafe as nuns, and hide inside the piano.
2.2: The Wooing of Widow Artois
Rene must woo Edith to get his cafe back. Michelle shows up, and gives the airmen the news about the escape plan. They reply with their usual "Oh Good Show!". At night, the airmen climb in to a rather unconvincing cow suit. The staff are disguised as mushroom pickers.
Herr Flikk hides the forgerys inside knockwusrt sausages. One, the original, another a forgery, and the last one Helga and Flikks dinner. The forgery will go to Hitler, while they keep the origianl to sell after the war. The Colonel then comes up with a plan,
2.3: The Policeman Cometh
Rene and the airmen are waiting for the plane to take the airmen back. The plane comes but does not land. Two parachutes are ejected and land. The first parachute contains an Englishman, Officer Crabtree. He explains he is a spy and has been send from Britan. Unfortionatly, his French does need a little brushing up. His first words to Rene are "I am disgizzed as a poloceman so I am oble to move aboot with complete frodom,"
The plan to blow up the train with the knockwurst sausage is having some difficulties; Rene can't find anyone to blow up the train carrying it to Berlin. Captian Hans and Rene steal Grubers "Little Tank" to destroy the train. Hans misses, and they head home.
2.4: Swiftly and With Style
Rene and Hans continue to return to Nouvion, but then Crabtree notifies his tank was stolen. He calls Herr Flikk, who imidiatly goes after the tank. Edith, Yvette, and Maria go to the tank by bycicle. The tank is then captured by Michelle, who realises that Rene is in side. She thinks Rene has been turned in to a Nazi. They then see Flikks Gestapo staff car approaching. They leave behind the demolition device, and run. Herr Flikk is questioning them about why they stole the tank. Helga creates a story about Rene going to drive off the resistance. Herr Flikk finds the demolition device and thinks it is a bycicle pump, and destroys his Gestapo staff car.
Back in the Cafe Rene, Monsuier Alphonse comes to woo Madame Edith, while Rene is proposing to her. He challanges Rene to a duel for Edith. He only leaves his card, "Monsuier Alphonse, Undertaker, Swiftly and With Style".
2.5: The Duel
Rene is hiding in the chickenhouse from the seconds of Monsuier Alphonse. When they leave, Rene comes out and sits at the table with the Colonel Von Strohm and Captain Hans Guering. He offers the plan that he will be doing manuvers in the morning and will accidently blow up Alphonse.
Rene:"Could you not just wound him a little bit?" Hans:"Ah yes, but that is very hard to do with a 22 mm shell,"
Rene agrees, and breathes a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, Herr Flikk has a telegram from Berlin. The sausage was reassembled, and there was no painting inside. Herr Flikk arrests the Colonel and the Captain.
Gruber becomes Rene's second and agrees that the duel will use pistols, not swords. Alphonse tries to apologize, but Rene tells him he will die like a pig. News arrives that the two officers have been arrested, and Rene flees.
The escape package (A ballon held together by silk knickers) has been finished, and is ready to fly.
2.6: Herr Flikks Revenge
Rene meets up with the resistance, who are holding a secret meeting. They come up with a plan to get Rene and Alphonse in a not hateful mood. They arrive at the Cafe, Rene disguised as a resistance girl. Gruber unfortionatly finds out, and tries to dance with Rene. Rene escapes in the back room, where Alpohonse is waiting. Michelle has explained all about Rene, and he seems to worship him now. Then the Gestapo man Von Smallhausen comes to arrest Rene.
Rene is waiting in the dungeon with the Colonel and the Captian. The girls break in and give Rene the suicide pills. Flikk comes inside and starts torturing them about where the sausage is. Klinkenhoffen comes and stops Flikk. (The general was called by Gruber to help Rene).
Rene is now helping the airmen escape for the umpteenth time, this time in the silk knickers ballon. They take off, and all appears to be allright. For now, anyway.
End of Series 2
Klinkerhoffen In Control (Christmas Special I)
(Note: This is included as an episode on the Series II DVD)
Picking up at the end of Series 2, Rene is a happy man; the airmen have left in the balloon. They go back in the cafe, and are all relieved. But the Nazis have spotted the baloon and have started shooting. Gruber has blanks, and all the other soldiers are missing the balloon. Klinkerhoffen starts shooting his own pistol, and the balloon is hit.
The radio in the Cafe Rene starts flashing its knobs. London says in code "Red Riding Hood must not go to the moon!" meaning "Do not release the airmen!." Rene replies with "Red Riding Hood has allready gone to the moon! Then, a balloon falls through the ceiling, and the airmen respond with their usual "Hello-o!" Rene is now not a happy man.
The Resistance feel that General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen must be killed. They give Rene dynamite to put in a Gateau for the Chateau. There will be a big party there, so they feel it will eliminate other officers. Herr Flikk feels the same way. He gives Helga a specialy adapted cigarette cleaner, which can shoot deadly arrows, and kills within ten seconds. The Colonel and the Captain are also thinking of a way how to kill Von Klinkerhoffen. They get a pill full of poisons and are going to put it in the Generals wine.
On the only night where the Germans are away in the chateau, Edith leads the visitore of the cafe in La Marseillaise, but after a few lines, the Germans storm in. The entire cafe starts singing "Duetshland, Duetshland," but are interuppted. The Colonel says there was to be an assanination attempt on the Chateau, and the Germans will be having their party in the cafe. They sit at a table, and Hans gives Rene the pill. He puts the pill in the till. Soon, it is time to serve the wine. Hans comes over again. He tells Rene to put the drug in the jug. He does so, and gives it to Hans. Hans gives the wine to Klinkerhoffen. However, nothing happens. Then the general takes Helgas cigarette cleaner and clears his cigarette. He blows, and the dart flys in to Herr Otto Flikks neck. He starts having a seisure, but Helga gives him the antidote. Hans comes over abd Rene warns him about the exploding cake.
Hans:""Do you not see that if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau!" Rene: "Simple plots are always the best,"
The gateau is broutht to the table, and the cake is lit.
Klinkerhoffen: "This we do in memory of the day the Kaiser drew his first royal breath, and now," (he blows out the candles but one) "This in memory of the day the Kaiser drew his last breath," Gruber (pointing to the candle with the handle): "One is still lit!" (They all try to blow it out) Rene: "Yvette! Maria! The buckets!" (They pour sand on the cake, Klinkerhoffen is outraged) Klinkerhoffen: What is this? Rene: I did this in Memory of the day the Kaiser was buried,"
"End of Christmas Special 1"
The stage show
As well as the long running TV series, the show gave rise to a successful touring stage-show featuring most of the TV cast. The stage show ran from 1986 to 1992, including three London stage runs as well as international tours.In January 1990, Gorden Kaye was badly injured in a car accident so in a London Palladium production his part was played by his understudy, John Larson.
In Australia, Gorden Kaye's part was played by Australian comedian/impressionist Max Gillies (later, Gorden Kaye repaid the favour when he took over Max Gillies' role in another play in Australia, when Max Gillies was not able to take part).
Cast
| Character | Actor |
|---|---|
| René François Artois | Gorden Kaye |
| Edith Melba Artois | Carmen Silvera |
| Madame Fanny La Fan (Edith's mother) | Rose Hill |
| Yvette Carte-Blanche | Vicki Michelle |
| Maria Recamier (series 1-3) | Francesca Gonshaw |
| Mimi Labonq (series 4-9) | Sue Hodge |
| Michelle "of the Resistance" Dubois | Kirsten Cooke |
| Monsieur Roger LeClerc (series 1-5) | Jack Haig |
| Monsieur Ernest LeClerc (series 6-9) | Derek Royle (series 6) Robin Parkinson (series 7-9) |
| Monsieur Alphonse | Kenneth Connor |
| General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen | Hilary Minster |
| Colonel Erich Von Strohm | Richard Marner |
| Lieutenant Hubert Gruber | Guy Siner |
| Captain Hans Geering (series 1-4, 7) | Sam Kelly |
| Captain Alberto Bertorelli (series 4-7) | Gavin Richards (series 4-6) Roger Kitter (series 7) |
| Private Helga Geerhart | Kim Hartman |
| Herr Otto Flick | Richard Gibson (series 1-8) David Janson (Series 9) |
| Herr Engelbert Von Smallhausen (series 2-9) | John Louis Mansi |
| Officer (Captain) Crabtree (series 2-9) | Arthur Bostrom |
| RAF Flight Lt. Fairfax (series 1-7) | John D. Collins |
| RAF Flight Lt. Carstairs (series 1-7) | Nicholas Frankau |
| General Leopold von Flockenstuffen (series 5-7) | Ken Morley |
External links
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