Abraham Simpson
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Sergeant Abraham J. Simpson (usually goes by "Abe" or simply "Grampa") is a fictional character featured in the animated cartoon television series The Simpsons, voiced by Dan Castellaneta.
Early life
Abraham J. Simpson, perennially known as 'Grampa' Simpson, was born in the "Old Country" as the son of Orville Simpson and Yuma Hickman. Based on his name and other information, Scotland seems most likely to be his place of birth, (mainly because of his father's thick Scottish accent) but Abe himself cannot remember. Indeed, almost all biographical information about Abe is supplied by himself, and the vast majority of his memories of the past are known to be wildly inaccurate and often physically or historically impossible and thus most likely to be symptoms of his senility. For example, he once referred to Sarah Bernhardt as a former president, and claims to have personally turned cats and dogs against each other.He claims that he immigrated to the United States as a child with his parents, where they lived in the Statue of Liberty until they (according to Abe) filled the head with garbage and had to move out. He claims to have as a boy enlisted in the US Army in World War I by lying about his age (he's seen as little more than a toddler in one scene) and that he was once voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York.
Abe's exact age is indeterminate, perhaps inconsistent in the series. (As of April 2, 2006, he is 83) This includes his being older or younger than fellow cast member Charles Montgomery Burns; in some stories from World War II, Abe is described as being older, but as Mr. Burns is more regularly shown as the oldest Springfieldian, there are canon issues that go unresolved. In addition to this, he boasts of having been both watchman at Pearl Harbor and a baby serving in WWI. He brags that President of the United States Grover Cleveland spanked him on two non-consecutive occasions (a play on Cleveland's two non-consecutive terms of office). He admits to having "taken a shot at Teddy Roosevelt." However, this could be his senility coming in.
Abe seems to be a member of several different organizations, including the Elks, the Freemasons, the Communist Party, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance (of which he claims he briefly served as President) as well as the Stonecutters (the Simpsons' take on Freemasons).
Abe also said that he was in The Wizard of Oz. The legs that curled up when the ruby slippers were removed were his.
World War II
Abe's recollections of his World War II experiences are particularly implausible and paradoxical. However, the entire family meets his illegitimate daughter, Santa flies Grandpa off to see his brother in Tahiti, and the State Department confiscates the art they found in Germany, so at least portions of his stories must be accurate. However, different stories make him an infantryman, a pilot and a seaman which sheds doubt on the legitimancy of at least some of them.Europe
Several stories place him in the European theatre of war during the later years of the war (1944-1945). Among other things, he claims to have earned the German Iron Cross, worked as transvestite can-can dancer for high-ranking Nazis, and served as a sergeant in a frontline unit, the Flying Hellfish squad. Among those in his command was C. Montgomery Burns, who had been demoted to the rank of private after obstructing a probe from J. Edgar Hoover.According to Simpson, after "liberating" a stash of priceless art from the Nazis, they formed a tontine, and buried the art in a trunk at sea. Decades later, Burns tried to murder Abe in order to get the art. This prompted Abe to violate the tontine because he knew the now-deceased Hellfish wouldn't want Burns to wind up with them. After Abe and Bart got the art back from Burns in a spectacular chase, agents from the United States State Department arrived, and gave the art to their "rightful" owner, a snooty young German aristocrat. Burns' involvement in this escapade indicates there is some truth to Abe's version of the story.
In addition, he fathered an illegitmate daughter in England the day before he participated in the D-Day operations at Normandy. This daughter is seen in the same episode, which leads more credence to him serving as an infantryman in Europe. Another piece of evidence is the fact that he once showed Bart and Lisa a picture albuum that had photo's of dead germans that his platoon had killed.
Pacific
Abe claims to have served on PT-109, where he hears John F. Kennedy say the phrase "Ich bin ein Berliner," prompting Abraham to yell "He's a Nazi! Get him!" causing two other crewmen to beat up JFK. Shortly before tackling Kennedy, Grampa Simpson has also been noted as saying "I haven't felt this relaxed since I was watchman at Pearl Harbor", implying that he had been stationed there.In the 2005 Christmas episode, Grampa Simpson tells the story of having been a navy pilot in 1941 in the Pacific theatre, with Burns this time as his tailgunner. The story involves him being marooned on a desert island for the remainder of the war with Burns, and also involves him meeting Santa Claus. This story is apparently confirmed by the arrival of Santa Claus in the present at the end of the story although as a Christmas episode its place in canon is ambiguous. The episode also introduced Grampa's older brother, Cyrus.
Education
In the aforementioned 2005 Christmas episode Simpsons Christmas Stories, Abe Simpson asserts authority over Monty Burns as the stronger man and in military rank. Earlier, he had said that Burns was a Lieutenant and he was working as an airplane pilot. This would put Abe Simpson at the rank of First Lieutenant or higher. As a commissioned officer, Abe Simpson most likely has a college degree although since he has also stated that he was a sergeant he is likely to be a mustang rather than a graduate of a military academy.Adulthood
There is evidence that Abe was not a kind or caring father to Homer (as he told Homer on his first day of school: "Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!") Homer does not seem to particularly resent these casual abuses, considering his father's now feeble state.After the war, Abe held a variety of jobs, including being a farmer in Homer's early childhood until the bank foreclosed on his farm (after the cows began giving sour milk); this was presumably followed by years spent as night watchman at a cranberry storage silo. He spent most of this time living in a house he won on a crooked 1950s game show, until he sold it to help Homer buy a house for his family. Abe moved in with the Simpsons after selling his house, but was quickly sent to a retirement home about three weeks later.
In the episode "", Abraham's kidneys 'burst' after Homer wouldn't let him go to the bathroom. Homer wound up (unwillingly) donating one of his for Abe to survive.
Work
- Soldier, pilot, and cancan dancer in WWII (see WWII section above)
- Matador in the episode "Million Dollar Abie"
- Greeter at Sprawl-Mart the episode "The Fat and the Furriest"
- Credited with writing several Itchy & Scratchy episodes (ghostwritten by Bart & Lisa)
Family
Abraham Simpson is estranged husband to Mona Simpson, father to Homer Jay Simpson, father-in-law to Marjorie Bouvier Simpson and grandfather to siblings Bartholomew Jo-Jo Simpson, Lisa Marie Simpson and Margaret Simpson. He also fathered two illegitimate children; a daughter named Abbie by a British lady named Edwina while in England during World War II and Herbert Powell with a carnival hooker. He was briefly married to Amber, the woman Homer married while in Vegas. Also in The Simpsons Uncensored Family Album, the family tree shows his parents' names to be Orville Simpson and Yuma Hickman. Abe's brother, Cyrus, appeared in the Christmas 2005 episode; he lives on Tahiti with multiple wives.Abraham Simpson's name is Matt Groening's real-life grandfather's first name. However, the writers of The Simpsons were the ones that chose the name, not Groening; this is an interesting coincidence, especially since Groening personally named almost every other Simpson after a family member. Also, one of Matt Groening's sons is named Abraham.
His name as "Grampa" seems to be obscure and mysterious. Originally, the name seems to have come from the fact that he was Bart, Lisa, and Maggie's grandfather. However, his Junior Buckaroo Badge contains the name "Little Grampa Simpson". This would be impossible, since it is thought that he obtained his badge during his childhood, long before he even had sons. He also calls himself "young Grampa Simpson" in "Simpsons Christmas Stories", in a flashback to WWII--a good twenty years before his first son would even be born. This may be attributed to his failing mind, however, as the story is somewhat fantastic in nature.
Abraham Simpson apparently has an elder brother named Cyrus Simpson. Cyrus was shot down when serving in WW2 with his brother and lived out most of his life on the island of Tahiti. At the end of Million Dollar Abie, Grampa makes reference to a brother called Bill.
Romantic life
He was married for a number of years to Mona. She became entranced with the hippie lifestyle after watching Joe Namath on TV. She became a fugitive from justice after she and others tried to sabotage biological weapon research at a lab owned by Montgomery Burns. Abe told Homer that Mona had died while Homer was at the movies. Mona and Homer ran into each other three decades later at a cemetery (both thought the other was dead; she was visiting "his" grave; he was visiting "hers"). Homer took her home to meet his family, where she spent the next few days. After the initial shock of seeing her again, Abe begs Mona for sex, but she turns him down flat. Mona was forced to go underground again when Burns came after her.Before his marriage, during WW2, Abe had an affair with a woman in England named Edwina, producing an illegitimate daughter, Abbie, whom he did not meet until she was grown. (Abbie is never specifically called his daughter, but it is an obvious implication.)
He once even dated the oldest woman ever, with her age at 120 years old (she was the nurse who delivered Eubie Blake). But the short-lived romance fell quickly after she spent most of her time with the Guinness crowd. He wore a 13 pound beard of bees for her but it was not enough to win her back.
Another affair, with a nameless prostitute he met at a carnival, produced Herbert. Herb was adopted by Edward Powell and Mililani Osler and worked his way up from poverty to found a successful automotive business. Believing himself to be dying, Abe confessed to Homer, sending him on a quest to find his half-brother. Upon learning that Herb is a multi-millionaire, Abe grouses: "I kept the wrong kid." By the time he is able to visit see him, Herb has been ruined by Homer's wacked-out prototype concept car (or, as Lisa puts it: "He was a rousing success until he found out he was a Simpson.")
In his golden years, Abe dated Bea Simmons (voice by Audrey Meadows), a fellow resident of his retirement home. Bea died and left Abe a little over $100,000 in her will. After some soul-searching (interviewing an endless stream of Springfielders, each of whom wanted him to fund various schemes), Abe went to a casino. Homer kept him from losing the whole bundle at roulette. He finally decided to use the money to refurbish the falling-down Springfield Retirement Castle, including a fancy new memorial dining hall in Bea's name.
He briefly dated another fellow golden-ager, by the name of Zelda, but her head was turned by a slick elderly gentleman at the home with a spiffy car. Abe realized, following an ill-fated jaunt to Branson, Missouri that she was a "hoochie" and totally wrong for him.
He also dated his daughter-in-law's mother, Jacqueline Bouvier. She later started dating Charles Montgomery Burns and almost married him, though the marriage was stopped by Abe.
Personality
Grandpa Simpson is an old, grizzled, periodically incontinent, and mostly senile figure who lives in the Springfield Retirement Castle, a sad, lonely place filled with demented, crippled, and depressed old people (a sign near the entrance says "Thank you for not discussing the outside world"). His closest friend appears to be Jasper, a fellow Retirement Castle resident.His rambling stories trail away in forgetfulness and despair:
- "You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run out of the house with a big washtub and... hey! Where are you going?"
- "Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. I used my washtub that morning to clean my turkey, which back then was called a 'walking bird'. We had walking bird on Thanksgiving with cranberry sauce, Injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. We also sat around and watched football, which back then was called baseball."
- *"Anyway, 'long story short,' is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling."
- "This nickel has a long and interesting history. It dates back to one morning in 1957. I got up and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to 3 — medium brown . . . "
- "We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don’t go anywhere -- like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you’d say.
- "Now where were we? Oh yeah -- the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
- "You never know what you're capable of. For example, I never thought that I could shoot down a German plane. Last year I proved myself wrong." (Said during the present day, NOT during a flashback to World War II).
Another notable instance of the dangers of calling Abe on the phone:
Lisa: Hi, Grandpa, how are you?
Grandpa: Well, you're really asking yourself two questions there. The first takes me back to 1926: Admiral Byrd had just flown a plane over the North Pole, mere hours ahead of the Three Stooges...
Abe is President of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance according to a card he finds in his wallet, although he does not know why. (Oddly, he enjoys homosexual fantasies, such as being the Belle of the West, telling two gunfighters, "Stop! You can both marry me!") He is also an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, and member of the Stonecutters, enabling Homer to join this secret society.
He spends a good deal of his time writing letters of complaint. He once wrote to the President, complaining that there were too many states, and requesting that they get rid of 3 of them. The letter, presumably, went unanswered.
Abe Simpson appears to be about 5' 11" tall.
A note on his last name
In "Homer to the Max," Abraham indicates that his grandfather traded a mule for the last name "Simpson" ("...and that mule went on to save spring break"). It is however doubtful as to the accuracy of this as much of what Abe Simpson says makes very little sense, or would in fact be impossible.See: Characters from The Simpsons
Relations
Abraham Simpson is:
- Husband of Mona J. Simpson
- Father of Abbie, Herbert Powell, and Homer Jay Simpson
- Grandfather of Bartholomew Jo-Jo Simpson, Lisa Marie Simpson and Margaret Simpson
- Brother of Cyrus Simpson — who was not mentioned until the December 18, 2005 episode Simpsons Christmas Stories. Cyrus went missing in action during World War II, but survives to this day in Tahiti.
- Brother of Bill Simpson - mentioned in a flashback when Abraham denounced him as a Communist to the House Un-American Activities Committee.
Episodes Starring Abraham
This is a list of Simpsons episodes in which Abe Simpson plays a substantial role in driving the plot, not simply a supporting role.- Old Money (Season 2, Episode 17) Abe ponders what to do with an inheritance.
- The Front (Season 4, Episode 19) Abe becomes a celebrated cartoon writer, with Bart and Lisa doing all the work.
- Lady Bouvier's Lover (Season 5, Episode 21) Abe courts Marge's mother.
- Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy (Season 6, Episode 10) Abe and Homer go into business selling a highly effective impotence cure.
- Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish" (Season 7, Episode 22) Abe tries to recover paintings his unit looted from the Nazis.
- The Old Man and the Key (Season 13, Episode 13) A smitten Abe drives to Missouri to win back his love.
- Simpsons Christmas Stories (Season 17, Episode 9) The middle of three segments depicts a surreal anecdote from Abe's war days.
- Million Dollar Abie (Season 17, Episode 16) Abe gains a new lease on life as a bullfighter.
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