Battle of Springfield (The Simpsons)

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The "Battle of Springfield" actually refers to two separate fictional battles from The Simpsons television show. Both supposedly occurred during the American Civil War.

The Battle of Springfield was fought on May 21, 1864. The Union soldiers of the Ninth Bearded Infantry were camped when enemy Confederate troops crested a nearby hill. The Confederate commander immediately called out that he and his men were surrendering unconditionally: they were sick, and needed leeches and hacksaws to saw off their gangrenous limbs. But the Springfield Brigade was "too brave to accept the surrender": their commander shouted that "those white flags are no match for our muskets!" and led the Brigade in a charge against the Confederates. The Union forces of Springfield proceeded to heroically slaughter their enemies as they prayed for mercy.

The Second Battle of Springfield was fought between "the North" (Union forces commanded by Ulysses S. Grant, played by Barney Gumble), "the South" (Confederate forces), and "the East" (soldiers wearing monocles, top hats, and yellow plaid), to keep Springfield in, out of, and next to the Union, respectively. Principal Skinner tried to hold a historical reenactment of the battle, but he was not able to restrain the citizens of Springfield. Disco Stu (who played Stonewall Jackson) kept rollerblading, the "dead" soldiers kept playing cards, Barney Gumble became heavily intoxicated while playing General Grant (actually in this case to reflect historical accuracy), veterans of World War II rolled in with tanks, and Professor Frink unleashed his massive steam-powered super spider (in a parody of Wild Wild West).

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