Bill Brasky
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Bill Brasky is the subject of a series of sketches on the television sketch comedy program Saturday Night Live between 1996 and 1998. The sketches were written by cast member Will Ferrell and writer Adam McKay.
Format
Three or four men (known as the "Bill Brasky Buddies") gather in public places, (usually a bar, or hotel restaurant) to drink Scotch, smoke cigarettes, and loudly reminisce about their mutual acquaintance, Bill Brasky. Most of their discussions focus on their admiration of Brasky's superhuman accomplishments, usually focused on his virility, celebrity connections, and reckless disregard for human life. The stories of Brasky's life and seemingly legendary accomplishments are exaggerated to absurd levels in the American tradition of tall tales, similar to the "Chuck Norris Facts" Internet phenomenon, employed nearly a decade later (in fact, Bill Brasky quotes are regularly recycled as Chuck Norris facts). If their stories are to be believed, Brasky is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, and has cheated death on numerous occasions.The Brasky Buddies are all apparently salesmen who worked with Brasky, as they frequently state that he was "the best damned salesman in the office". They all have red cheeks and red noses (apparently due to the large amounts of Scotch they consume) and extremely large, white teeth (for unexplained reasons). They appear to be coming from a sales conference or a business meeting, and by the time the sketch begins, they are extremely intoxicated.
Typically, the three cycle through the same genres of comment four or five times: one man will recount a tale about Brasky, the second will expound on the benefits of expense accounts, and the third will hit on a waitress, followed by the first drunkenly blurting out something embarrassing (i.e. "I am wearing a diaper!"). The cycle will then repeat, starting with the second Brasky Buddy, getting more outrageous each time around. Some of the accomplishments recounted can be considered downright abhorrent (he has slept with all of their wives, and has apparently caused the deaths of several people) but are still celebrated with the same gusto. At regular intervals, they raise their glasses to toast him, shouting "To Bill Brasky!" They all seem to equally admire and despise Brasky.
The sketches usually end with Bill Brasky himself appearing, via a forced perspective shot, and either demanding or offering everyone Scotch.
Brasky's full name is William Robert Julian Brasky. He has a wife and a young daughter named Debbie.
Sketches
- 1. Airport (1/20/1996)
- 2. Holiday Inn (3/16/1996)
- 3. Funeral (2/22/1997)
- 4. Little League (5/10/1997)
- 5. Bar (12/12/1998)
Quotes
- "Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
- "His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
- "I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury."
- "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
- "He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
- "He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!"
- "The story of Johnny Appleseed is based on Brasky... except for the part about planting appletrees... and not raping men."
- "He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
- "He once inhaled a seagull."
- "He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
- "He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
- "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."
- "I remember one time, Brasky took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and Brasky got splashed. So Brasky yells, 'I'm Bill Brasky and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if Brasky didn't step in there and finish the show."
- "We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
- "Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
- "Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
- "If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
- "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
- "He breastfeeds John Madden!"
See also
External links
- [Bill Brasky] at Everything2
- [Transcript] of "Bill Brasky on Wall Street" at SNL Transcripts
- [Transcripts] of various skits from "ubersite.com"
- [Tales] of Bill Brasky sent in by his friends.
- [B.B.C.O.], Home of the Bill Brasky Commemorative Order — Brasky forums
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