Casual relationship
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A casual relationship may be part time, or for a limited time, and may be monogamous or otherwise, and the term encompasses strong enduring friendships between people who enjoy each other's closeness but do not seek marriage for some reason, through to relationships purely entered into for sexual purposes. In each case, the relationship's dominance in the lives of those involved is being voluntarily limited, and there is usually a sense that the relationship is intended to endure only so long as circumstances make possible and both parties wish it to.
Motives for casual relationships vary, and should be distinguished from casual sex in which no relationship is intended. Many casual relationships also include mutual support, affection and enjoyment, which underpin other forms of loving relationship. Some casual relationships eventually do become long-term relationships in the course of time; equally, others do not.
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The intent of a casual relationship can vary: sometimes to relieve sexual frustrations through an alternative to masturbation, and other times simply as a friendship or part-time relationship which includes sexual activity when wished. Some people prefer the term "Lovers without commitment". Usually a casual relationship is not intended as a romantic relationship. It is also not the same as 'casual sex'.In many cases, both parties are free to date and engage in sex acts with other persons, however some people choose to have exclusive casual relationships. These types of relationships effectively give the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. Two people may elect to become friends with benefits because they are unwilling to commit to a full-fledged relationship or long term relationship for whatever reason.
This arrangement is particularly common among young professionals, who put a lot of their free time into their work and therefore don't have time for a "proper" boyfriend or girlfriend. Some argue that it also allows people who have excellent sexual chemistry to enjoy each other, even if they don't click on other levels.
Popularized in recent years by the US sitcom Sex and the City, this sort of relationship is commonly portrayed as a relatively new phenomenon, but it is not clear as to whether this novelty applied to the term "friends with benefits" was actually predated by similar yet more secretive arrangements and phrases. These relationships are associated with younger people (early teenagers), and are often seen as a way to enjoy the benefits of sexual activities without the emotional strings of a romantic relationship.
According to many teens, these relationships have been going on for some time, and it is estimated that at least 32% of people over 13 have had such an experience. While providing a sexual outlet for some people, the practice is still socially associated with negative connotations. In teenage relationships, the predominant activity is not penetrative sex, but rather oral sex. Many teenagers believe that this reduces the risks associated with sexual promiscuity such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Some medical authorities such as Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, a professor of pediatrics at the University of California at San Francisco, suggests that teenagers do not view oral sex as "real sex" and use it to remain in a state of technical virginity. [link]
The phrase "friends with benefits" was popularized in the mid-1990s by the Alanis Morissette song "Head Over Feet."
Criticisms
Some people prefer the term "Lovers Without Commitment", as it espouses the view the lovemaking is more than a mere benefit of the relationship.
Others believe that casual relationships of this sort are unrealistic because strong emotions will inevitably come into play. Naturally, this belief is typically not shared by those who participate in such relationships. It is generally acknowledged, however, that a frequent cause for the termination of such relationships is the development of a one-sided romantic attachment.
Being a "friend with benefits" is sometimes an option given to someone who has been in a steady relationship after being "broken up" with. Many times people who enjoy each other will choose this route because current circumstances limit a steady relationship or make it unaccetable. This kind of situation may lead to strengthened bond and a more stable relationship if and when those circumstances pass, although it is possible it could ruin it. Relationships that have sprouted from "friends with benefits" relationships may have an adavantage as they may be sexually open and stable in their foundations, as the parties involved began as friends. However, this could also be a disadvantage, as the friendship could have been tainted by the sexual involvement causing instability.
The term "friend with benefits" is often misused. A situation similar to the example used above. "Friend with benefits" has been used in a way that would be better described as an "emotional friend with benefits." An example would be a romance that has lost its spark, both parties want the relationship to work, but it cannot. There is no desire even though they both want there to be, so they decide to wait for the spark, together and apart.
It is thought by some that these sort of relationships are commonly male-dominated and oriented, with the female existing principally as a sexual object for the male's gratification. Although possible, this claim fails to take into account that females are just as sexually inclined as males and she may be using him just as much as he is using her. This theory also fails to take into account that bisexual or lesbian women may participate in these sorts of relationships with each other; hence, these relationships can happen with no male participation at all. Many women also say that they enjoy casual sex just as some men do, not ascribing any deeper meaning to it. Naturally, traditional cultural and/or religious values for women and men also come in as factors here. Also, it may be common among teenagers who are often not emotionally mature enough to maintain a relationship.
See also
- Polyamory
- Monogamy
- Marriage
- Casual sex
- Extended hookup
- Serial monogamy
References
- [NPR's Talk of the Nation: Friends with Benefits]
- [Friends, Friends with Benefits, and the Benefits of the Local Mall] (reprint from NYT)
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