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Forgiveness

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Rembrandt - "The Return of the Prodigal Son"
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Rembrandt - "The Return of the Prodigal Son"
Forgiveness is the mental process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the feelings of the person who forgives, or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, it may be granted without any expectation of compensation, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of apology or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe they are able to forgive.

Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for the varying modern day theories and practices of forgiveness. Instances of teachings on forgiveness such as the parable of the Prodigal Son and Mahatma Gandhi's forgiveness of his assassin as he lay dying, are well known instances of such teachings and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness between one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and/ or divine forgiveness.

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Religious and spiritual views on forgiveness

Buddhism

In Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful emotions from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind kamma and instead encourages the cultivation of emotions which leave a wholesome effect. "In contemplating the law of kamma, we realize that it is not a matter of seeking revenge but of practicing metta and forgiveness, for the victimizer is, truly, the most unfortunate of all. When resentments have already arisen, the Buddhist view is to calmly proceed to release them by going back to their roots. Buddhism centers on release from delusion and suffering through meditation and receiving insight into the nature of reality. Buddhism questions the reality of the passions that make forgiveness necessary as well as the reality of the objects of those passions. "If we haven’t forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain, and that is what is reborn. That is what suffers."

Buddhism places much emphasis on the concepts of Mettā (loving kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (sympathetic joy), and upekkhā (equanimity), as a means to avoiding resentments in the first place. These reflections are used to understand the context of suffering in the world, both our own and the suffering of others. In responce to 9/11, Ajahn Jayasaro, a buddhist monk, reminded his students, "When we give serious consideration to our companionship in birth, old age, sickness, and death with all other beings in the world, it gives us a fresh perspective..."

Quotes ([more quotes here])
''‘He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’
— in those who harbor such thoughts hatred will never cease.
‘He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’
— In those who do not harbor such thoughts hatred will cease.
(Dhammapada 1.3-4; trans. Radhakrishnan)

Christianity

According to traditional Christian teachings, the forgiveness of others is amongst the spiritual duties of the Christian believer. God is generally considered to be the original source of all forgiveness, which is made possible through the suffering and sacrifice of Jesus, and is freely available to the repentant believer. As a response to God's forgiveness, the Christian believer is in turn expected to learn how to forgive others; some would teach that the forgiveness of others is a necessary part of receiving forgiveness ourselves. The person who is forgiven is not necessarily released from any obligation to make material or financial amends.

Unlike other Christian denominations, the Roman Catholic and Orthodox Christian churches teach that God's forgiveness of the believer is "mediated" by the Church, generally through traditional ritual acts involving an ordained priest. In these churches, and in some Anglican churches, it is customary to make formal confession of sins individually in the presence of a priest, and to obtain absolution as a formal expression by the church of God's forgiveness. Most Protestant denominations teach that a believer receives forgiveness more directly through a sincere expression of repentance to God, and that the believer completes this in the act of forgiving others. Protestant denominations generally place more emphasis on the need for private or informal repentance, and less emphasis on the need for formal or public repentance.

It is taught by most denominations that the substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus via the crucifixion is the key to enabling God to forgive the believer of his or her sins. The sacrament of communion is regarded as central to the reception of divine forgiveness in most Christian denominations.

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Key Biblical texts on the subject of forgiveness include (here quoted from the New International Version):

This introduces the most relevant parable, that of the Unmerciful Servant, which concludes: "In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:34-35)
  • "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (Mark 11:25)
    • This can be taken to imply that the exercise of forgiveness is part of that repentance through which the believer has access to the forgiveness of God.
  • "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34.
  • "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
    • See also
    For some of the principal Christian teachings regarding the forgiveness of sins by God, see:

    Hinduism

    The concept of performing atonement from one's wrongdoing (Prayaschitta — Sanskrit: Penance), and asking for forgiveness is very much a part of the practice of Hinduism. Prayashitta is related to the law of Karma. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of those deeds and these deeds actively create present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain in others.

    Forgiveness is a great power
    Addressing Dhritarashtra, Vidura said: "There is one only defect in forgiving persons, and not another; that defect is that people take a forgiving person to be weak. That defect, however, should not be taken into consideration, for forgiveness is a great power. Forgiveness is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament of the strong. Forgiveness subdues (all) in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve? What can a wicked person do unto him who carries the sabre of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on the grassless ground is extinguished of itself. And unforgiving individual defiles himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness." (From the Mahabharata, Udyoga Parva Section XXXIII, Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli).

    An even more authoritative statement about forgiveness is espoused by Krishna, who is considered to be an incarnation (avatar) of Vishnu by Hindus. Krishna said in the Gita that forgiveness is one of the characteristics of one born for a divine state. It is noteworthy that he distinguishes those good traits from those he considered to be demoniac, such as pride, self-conceit and anger (Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 16, verse 3).

    Huston Smith in his book The World's ReligionsHuston Smith, The World's Religions, Harper SanFrancisco, first ed 1958, p. 34 ISBN 0062508113 says

    "Enter Hinduism’s myths, her magnificent symbols, her several hundred images of God, her rituals that keep turning night and day like never ending prayer wheels. It is obtuse to confuse Hinduism’s images with idolatry, and their multiplicity with polytheism. They are 'runways' from which the sense-laden human spirit can rise for its "flight of the alone to the Alone".

    Even village priest will frequently open their temple ceremonies with the following beloved invocation:

    O Lord, forgive three sins that are due to my human limitations:
    Thou art everywhere, but I worship you here;
    Thou art without form, but I worship you in these forms;
    Thou needest no praise, yet I offer you these prayers and salutations,
    Lord, forgive three sins that are due to my human limitations.

    Islam

    The word Islam is derived from the Semetic word: slm, meaning peace. Clearly forgiveness is a prerequisite for any true or genuine peace. Islam teaches that God (Allah in Arabic) is 'the most forgiving', and is the original source of all forgiveness. Forgiveness often requires the repentance of those being forgiven. Depending on the type of wrong committed, forgiveness can come either directly from Allah, or from one's fellow man. In the case of divine forgiveness, the asking for divine forgiveness via repentance is important. In the case of human forgiveness, it is important to both forgive, and to be forgiven.

    The central and most sacred book of Islam: the Qur'an, teaches that there is only one error that Allah cannot forgive, the error of ascribing partners (or equals) to Allah. Islam ranks this error as a denial of monotheism, and therefore of the supreme nature of Allah himself. (shirk).

    Indeed! God does not forgive the sin of ascribing partners to Him, but He forgives anything else to whom He pleases, and whoever takes partners with God has gone astray into far error. (Qur'an 4:116)
    The Qur'an does on occasion make allowances for violent behavior on the part of Muslim believersQur'an 9:12- "Fight ye the chiefs of the unbelievers.", and such allowances have been construed by some observers as condoning unforgiving behavior. Still such allowances are only made within the Qur'an in the case of defending one's faith, one's life or one's property. Outside of this, the Qu'ran makes no allowances for violent behavior. From time to time certain Muslims have interpreted such Qur'anic allowances for "defensive violence" to include what other Muslims have viewed more as unwarranted and overly aggressive violence. This interpretative debate about when to forgive and when to aggressively attack or defend continues to this day within the Muslim community.

    Whenever possible, the Qur'an makes it clear that it is better to forgive another than to attack another. The Qur'an describes the believers (Muslims) as those who, When they are angry they forgive. (Qur'an 42:37) and says that Whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon Allah. (Qur'an 42:40).

    To receive forgiveness from God there are three requirements:

    1. Recognizing the offense itself and its admission before God.
    2. Making a commitment not to repeat the offense.
    3. Asking for forgiveness from God.
    If the offense was committed against another human being, or against society, a fourth condition is added:

    1. Recognizing the offense before those against whom offense was committed and before God.
    2. Committing oneself not to repeat the offense.
    3. Doing whatever needs to be done to rectify the offense (within reason)and asking pardon of the offended party.
    4. Asking God for forgiveness.
    There are no particular words to say for asking forgiveness. However, Muslims are taught many phrases and words to keep repeating daily asking God's forgiveness. For example:

    Islamic teaching presents the prophet Muhammad as an example of someone who would forgive others for their ignorance, even those who might have once considered themselves to be his enemies. One example of Muhammad's practice of forgiveness can be found in the Hadith, the body of early Islamic literature about the life of Muhammad. This account is as follows:
    The Prophet (may peace be upon him) was the most forgiving person. He was ever ready to forgive his enemies. When he went to Ta’if to preach the message of Allah, its people mistreated him, abused him and hit him with stones. He left the city humiliated and wounded. When he took shelter under a tree, the angel of Allah visited him and told him that Allah sent him to destroy the people of Ta’if because of their sin of maltreating their Prophet. Muhammad (may peace be upon him) prayed to Allah to save the people of Ta'if, because what they did was out of their ignorance.

    Quotes ([more quotes here])

    Judaism

    In Judaism, if a person harms one, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is religiously required to grant forgiveness:

    But if the wrongdoer does not apologize, there is no religious obligation to grant forgiveness. This is because Judaism is focused on the personal responsibility of the wrongdoer. It is the wrongdoer's responsibility to recognize their wrongdoing and to seek forgiveness from those who have been harmed.

    Additionally, in Judaism, a person must apologize to those she has harmed in order to be entitled to forgiveness. This means that, unlike in Christianity, in Judaism a person cannot obtain forgiveness from G-d for wrongs the person has done to other people. A person can only obtain forgiveness from G-d for wrongs done to G-d. For instance, should person A assault person B, person A would have to obtain forgiveness from both person B (for the assault) and G-d (for breaking G-d's law against assault). This is similar to how the criminal justice system in many countries works; in America, for example, an assault is considered both an offense against the government (leading to criminal prosecution) and an offense against the individual (leading to possible tort damages claims). Sir Jonathan Sacks, Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth summed this concept up as follows: "it is not that God forgives, while human beings do not. To the contrary, we believe that just as only God can forgive sins against God, so only human beings can forgive sins against human beings."

    A Jew may, however, forgive if they choose even if the offender has not apologized:

    Jews observe a Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) on the day before G-d makes decisions regarding what will happen during the coming year. Just prior to Yom Kippur, Jews will ask forgiveness of those they have wronged during the prior year (if they have not already done so). During Yom Kippur itself, Jews fast and pray for G-d's forgiveness for the transgressions they have made against G-d in the prior year. Sincere repentence is required, and once again, G-d can only forgive one for the sins one has committed against G-d; this is why it is necessary for Jews also to seek the forgiveness of those people who they have wronged.

    Psychological theories about forgiveness

    Only in the last few decades has forgiveness received attention from psychologists and social psychologists. Psychological papers and books on the subject did not begin to appear until the 1980’s. Prior to that time it was a practice primarily left to matters of faith. Although there is presently no consensual psychological definition of forgiveness in the research literature, a consensus has emerged that forgiveness is a process and a number of models describing the process of forgiveness have been published.

    Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin is regarded to have placed forgiveness on the map. He founded the International Forgiveness Institute and is considered the initiator of forgiveness studies. Dr. Enright developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness.Dr. Robert Enright, “Forgiveness is a Choice”, American Psychological Association , 2001 ISBN 1557987572

    Dr. Everett Worthington, a known lecturer and author on the subject of forgiveness has developed the Pyramid Model of Forgiveness.Dr. Everett Worthington, “Dimensions of Forgiveness”, Templeton Foundation Press, 1998 ISBN 189015122X This model involves: recall the hurt; empathize; altruistic gift of forgiveness; commit to forgive; holding onto forgiveness.

    Dr. Guy Pettitt of New Zealand, provides a comprehensive set of materials on both the need and benefits of forgiveness as well as the process to accomplish forgiveness. These materials are available as a free download.

    Summary of differing views on forgiveness

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    The differing views on forgiveness can be delineated on the basis of whether one believes forgiveness must be earned as opposed to regarding it as a gift.

    Forgiveness to be earned would be considered only properly exercised if forgiveness is requested or earned through means such as atonement, amends, restitution or sincere apology. Such forgiveness often requires some sort of promise that the offending act or behavior will not be repeated. Forgiveness under these circumstances would remain conditioned upon the actions or words of the perceived wrongdoer. Certain religious views of forgiveness would fall under this category, especially when considering receiving forgiveness from one’s God. An example of this would be penance practiced by Catholics and certain other Christian denominations and similar practices by other religions. Such religious concepts may have a spillover effect towards one’s views on what is necessary for interpersonal forgiveness, even though most religions encourage interpersonal forgiveness without a requirement of it being earned as the religious sections above illustrate.

    Magdalene Chan - "Forgiveness" “Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is again made clean.” Dag Hammarskjöld
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    Magdalene Chan - "Forgiveness" “Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is again made clean.” Dag Hammarskjöld
    Viewing forgiveness as a gift would hold that forgiveness begins with a decision the forgiver makes to let go of resentment held in the forgiver's mind of a perceived wrong or difference, either actual or imagined. As the choice of forgiveness is made in the mind of the forgiver, it can be made about any resentment, whether toward another, oneself, a group, a situation or even one's God. Under this view, forgiveness of another can be granted with or without the other asking for forgiveness.

    When forgiveness is viewed is a gift

    the forgiver gives to oneself and/or the perceived wrongdoer to free their respective minds of resentment and guilt. Such forgiveness does not require repentance, contrition or any other form of "payment" from the forgiven. The act of forgiveness has merit in and of itself and can stand alone without condition and therefore outside control of the perceived wrongdoer’s behavior. As a gift to oneself forgiveness allows the person granting forgiveness the opportunity to overcome some hurt or emotional turmoil by offering closure and the ability to move on from the perceived situation or circumstance that merited an act of forgiveness. As a gift to the forgiven it provides a clearing for the forgiven to overcome the guilt, shame, stigma or other negative effects of their action or inaction that merited forgiveness. Advocates of this view generally maintain that forgiveness does not entail condoning the wrong or difference that occasioned the resentment.

    Forgiveness of this nature is sometimes referred to as a selective remembering, whereby one focuses only upon love or loving thoughts and lets go of negative thoughts. Others hold that the act of forgiveness is less of a recognition of, or letting go of error, than it is an act of the recognition of the overriding good in another, thereby enabling both the one who would forgive and the one who would be forgiven, to actualize their greatest good.

    Forgiveness is often associated with religious or spiritual teachings. However, religious or spiritual motivation or beliefs is not necessary for forgiveness. Forgiveness can be motivated by love, philosophy, appreciation for the forgiveness of others, empathy, personal temperament or pragmatism.

    Health aspects of forgiveness

    Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments. One study has shown that the positive benefit of forgiveness is similar whether it was based upon religious or secular counseling as opposed to a control group that received no forgiveness counseling.

    See also

    References

    Bibliography

    External links

     

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