Helter Shelter
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"Helter Shelter" is an episode from the fourteenth season of The Simpsons that aired December 1, 2002. Coincidentally, in the episode "Homer Loves Flanders", there's a soup shelter named "Helter Shelter", whose founder is Father James Helter. The title itself is a parody of The Beatles' song, "Helter Skelter."
Synopsis
After Homer suffers a brain injury at work, Mr. Burns, fearing Homer will sue him, offers his family tickets in a luxury sky box at a hockey game. Although the family lives it up in the sky box, Lisa does not, and she moves to the rink side area. She gives a player from Russia some advice on where to aim to score and, in gratitude, he offers Lisa his hockey stick, which Homer mounts in Lisa's room after the game. Overnight, termites (living in the hockey stick) come into the Simpson house and severely damage it. The next day, Marge finds herself talking to Ned Flanders while opening a cupboard, Bart touches a door and it crumbles, Homer falls downstairs from the toilet (still sitting on the toilet) and Lisa's doll-house crumbles into dust. They are told by the "A Bug's Death" exterminator (Homer hired him because of that funny name) that they cannot return into the house for 6 months, since it is tented and will be fumigated. Dolph, Kearney and Jimbo Jones, thinking its a circus, try to crawl under the tent, but are rescued by the exterminator, before any real damage could occur.
The family looks at various options for a new home. Homer, at first, suggests that they just stand in front of their house for 6 months ("time will just fly")and the King of the Hill theme plays, but then he gets bored and they try to check into a hotel. Unfortunately, all hotels in town are full, thanks to a "Bran Convention". They then decide to move in with Homer's "best friend in the whole world", Lenny (actually, Homer has Lenny confused with Carl). Lenny's apartment is pretty good, until they discover that he is sharing a wall with a Squash Court (which generates a large amount of noise). They ditch that idea and try to move in with the Comic Book Guy, but he scares them off with his sci-fi talk. They land up at Moe's Tavern, but Marge has no intention of staying there. Barney and Carl inform the Simpsons about a reality show, where a family is put in an 1895 Victorian house, where they must live like it was 1895. Homer is reluctant at first, but then they go to the reality show.
At The Reality Channel studio, the executives screen many families (including the Cosbys because Bill just wants to get back on TV) and finally they settle on the Simpsons (they like the way Homer strangles Bart and overreacts when he does not get his lattè). They are taken to the Victorian house and shown around by the Network Executive, who says that they will be filmed round the clock. The only thing of the 20th century there is a "Confessional Room", which is a small room with a video camera. Marge runs inside and confesses that her hair is not really blue, she pauses and then tries to grab the tape from the camera.
The next day, Marge and Lisa are preparing breakfast, and tell Bart that it takes 6 hours to do so. Homer has trouble shaving with a straight razor and shows up with his stubble and many closely-spaced cuts. They go to the Kwik-E-Mart, where Apu only allows them to buy things that were available in 1895 (Apu states that Oreos were made in 1896, though in actuality they were first made in 1912). At dinner, the family seems a bit down (much to the delight of the show's audience). But Homer tells them that they are on TV and must suck it up. Thus, the next day onwards, the Simpsons all start to get along and form a non-dysfunctional lifestyle. Bart even sends Moe a prank telegram ("Heywood U. Cuddleme"). Without conflict and hardship plaguing them, the Simpsons are no longer entertaining viewers, who tune out in droves.
The Reality Channel network executives feel that the show's popularity has waned, because the family is supposed to be at each others' throats. They decide to introduce Squiggy (an out-of-work 70's actor) from Laverne and Shirley into the household. But even his presence (and that of a taser which he uses on Homer) does not boost the ratings. Finally, one of the executives comes up with an idea. The house is airlifted at night (while the family is asleep) and put into a river.
The next morning, Homer, on his way to the blacksmith to get his tooth pulled, falls into the river. He is saved by Marge and Lisa. He confronts the executives (via the Confessional Room), who inform his that they can do anything they like, because it says so in the contract. The house finally washes up on shore and the Simpsons run out and see it collapse, with all the 1895 things they had grown accustomed to and Squiggy. The network crew is filming it and loving the drama that unfolds. They then break for lunch, but deny the Simpsons any of their lunch, as the crew is not supposed to interfere in the family's lives.
Later, the family sits by a pond, wondering what to do next, when they see a bunch of wild-looking people, advancing on them. Homer tries to promote peace, but they tell him that they are not savages, just contestants in reality shows, whom the network ditched after they failed in their tasks. They decide to overpower the crew and return to civilization.
Together with the Simpsons, they attack the crew and disrupt their lunch. Homer is about to destroy the crew's helicopter with a big rock, but Marge tells him that they need it to return home. Finally at home, Homer decides to watch scripted TV shows, as he has had it with reality shows. However, after watching Law & Order: Elevator Inspectors Unit, he gets disillusioned with TV and looks for other means of entertainment, like books and clubs. Bart suggests he go drink water from the hose, to which he agrees. Outside, as he drinks, Bart turns off the water and Homer looks into the pipe and gets splashed in his eye, then in his ear, then in his other eye....much to the amusement of his family and the fans of scripted entertainment!
Trivia
- The title is a play on the Beatles song "Helter Skelter," a famous song which, it was claimed by prosecutors, was indirectly connected to the murders carried out by Charles Manson and his "family".
- Homer's line "Where's that kid with my latte?" was last used in Beyond Blunderdome.
- The scene where the Simpsons are waiting for time to fly by mirrors the opening sequence of King of the Hill.
- When the family realizes that they are seeing a hockey game, the are discouraged and disapointed, yet in Lisa on Ice, the family seems to have an interest in the game.
- Though the Simpsons are supposed to be living in 1895, the Mutt and Jeff comics Bart reads were not created until 1907.
- When Kozlov hands Lisa his hockey stick, it says "КОЗЛОВ" - the real Russian spelling of Kozlov.
Quotes
- Bart (to Marge): Hey ma, our crapshack's going to hell.
Marge: Bart! Watch your potty mouth!
Homer (crashing down through the kitchen ceiling, sitting on the toilet): Hey! Get out! I'm in here! Oh.
Lisa (coming in the kitchen, holding a broken Malibu Stacey dollhouse): I think we might have termites.
- Marge: Can't beat a skybox! All the excitement of being in the sky, with the security of being in a box.
Bart: Oh-ho-ho! This is gonna be the coolest basketball game ever!
Lisa: Actually, it says here we're gonna see hockey.''
Homer, Marge and Bart: Noooo!
- Lisa: This is a joke. You'll find me down with the real fans, standing ankle-deep in beer and blood.
Homer: Fine, watch your stupid Eagles concert.
Lisa: It's a hockey game!
Homer: Whatever.
- Homer: I can't remember the last time I cried like this!
Lisa: When you put your T-shirt on backwards?
Homer: (breaking down) Aaah-ha-ha-ha-oh, yes! The tag chafed my throat!
- Homer: I got skybox tickets, and with only 20% loss of my brain function. Life is blahblehyehbluhbleh...
- Cletus: All right! A people tooth! Open up Gummy Sue! This is your lucky day!
Cletus's daughter: Now I's like Britney Spears!
- Russian Hockey Player: (after scoring a goal using Lisa's advice) Thank you, mouthy American child. Please to take my hockey tree.
- Bart: This sucks! How come Lisa gets something and I don't?
Homer: Because she took the trouble to wander away and talk to a stranger.
- Marge: Homer, why do you always hire the cheapest exterminator?Homer: I go by how funny the sign is. [He points to the A Bug's Death sign on the van and laughs]
- Homer: 1895, forget it! We'd be too late to save Lincoln and too early to save Kennedy.
Moe: You can save McKinley.
Homer: It's not a time machine, Moe!
- Moe: Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme. Heywood U. Cuddleme. Big guy in the back, Heywood U Cuddleme? Oh that little. (starts sending telegram) I'm gonna drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific. Stop.
- Homer: Where's that kid with my Lattè! He's not coming, is he? IS HE!? [Breaks down sobbing]
- The Simpsons are in their 1895 steam driven car:
Homer [to Bart, who is shoveling coal into the boiler]: ...More! Less, less, less, less aaaaaaaaand... none. [They crash into the side of Kwik-E-Mart going about two miles per hour] Perfect!
- Executive: Is it so gosh darn hard to get cocktail sauce in the middle of the Amazon?
- Marge: Breakfast takes six hours to make now.
Bart: Cheer up. You should see Dad trying to shave with a straight razor.
Homer: I am no longer a slave to the Gillette corporation! [The little pieces of paper stuck to his face all pop off and he starts sprinkling blood. He picks up a newspaper] Now let's see, today President Cleveland... [Passes out from blood loss.]
- Bart: I look like Buster Brown. Whoever that is.
- Marge: Oh no! Everything's ruined! Our good bellows! Our stereopticon! Squiggy!
- Announcer: Law and Order. Elevator Inspectors Unit.
Inspector 1: See here's the thing, inspector, the button for 5 doesn't light up.
Inspector 2: I think I'm gonna be sick.
- Bill Cosby: [speaking in his familiar drawl] Y'see, I gotta get back on the TV 'coz with The Osbournes and the softcore porn and the dogs poopin' an nobody's scoopin' and the veesa bola(puts hands behind his ears) aah aah aah!
- Black Contestant I just couldn't eat any more kangaroo testicles. The weird part is now, I can't get enough of them!
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