Papa's Got a Brand New Badge
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"" is the 22nd episode of The Simpsons
Contents
Plot
Once again, Springfield is in the midst of a massive heat wave. Every apartment building had installed a massive air conditioning device. However, this draws a massive amount of power from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Despite the safety measures Mr. Burns has taken (cutting power to the orphanage), the plant is at full power. At home, unable to buy a massive air conditioning device, the Simpsons have to follow an old-fashioned fan. Homer decides to give them a taste of winter by plugging in his dancing Santa Claus. This overloads the plant and causes a massive blackout. Eventually, a massive riot and looting occur. The police become powerless to stop the massive crime wave.The next day, Springfield has been devastated by the crime. Quimby decides to take action by forming a blue ribbon committee. At the Simpsons' house, someone stole Lisa's Malibu Stacy collection. Homer decides to take action by finding them. He does and later foils a robbery at the Kwik-E-Mart. He likes the idea of combining his love of helping and hurting people. Homer forms his own security company called "SpringShield". Although it only has Homer, Lenny, and Carl, it is more efficient and successful than the Springfield Police Department. When Quimby sees Chief Wiggum trying to shoot a Piñata with a shotgun, he dismisses Wiggum and makes Homer the chief of police.
After busting Fat Tony trying to make "toy poodles" by gluing cotton balls to ferrets, Homer practically rids Springfield of crime. However, Fat Tony escapes and vows to kill Homer unless he leaves town. Homer is unable to get protection from the citizens he protected (only Ned Flanders volunteers, but Homer ignores his offer) and Lenny and Carl lock themselves in a jail cell. When Homer does not leave, Fat Tony arrives with his mafia muscle - the characters of the Sopranos series. Just before they are about to kill Homer, someone shoots the mobsters and injures them. Safe again, Homer makes Wiggum the chief of police again. When Marge thanks him for saving Homer, Wiggum says that he lost his gun, badge and nearly lost his squad car. Unbeknownst to them, the person who saved Homer was Maggie, who fired at the mobsters from her window with a concealed firearm.
Quotes
- Homer: I don't get it. I finally got a job where I wasn't lazy, stupid, or corrupt. And now I'm gonna get killed for it!
- Bart: (testing a lie detector) Lisa is a dork! Lisa is a dork!
Lisa: Dad, make him stop!
Homer: (reading test results) Well, according to this, he's telling the truth. - Fat Tony: Any last words, Simpson?
Homer: Yeah! You can kill me, but someone will take my place! And if you kill him, someone will take his place. Then, that'll pretty much be it. The town will be yours.
Fat Tony: All right! Let's do this thing.
Louie: Dibs on the crotch!
(other mobsters groan) - Wiggum (to rioters): Return to your homes! We're prepared to use force! (pause) Wait, we're not prepared, Eddie? (rioters cover Wiggum's car) Help! Help! Someone call 9-1-1!
Lou: Oh, they never come. - Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?
Johnny Tightlips: I see a lot of things.
Fat Tony: You know, you could be a bit more helpful! - Fat Tony: Ah, my Jersey muscle. It is so good to see you. Did you have a nice flight, Johnny Tightlips?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'.
Fat Tony: I see. How is your mother?
Johnny Tightlips: Woah, who says I have a mother? - Fat Tony: Is your husband home?
Marge: Fat Tony, how can you do this?
Fat Tony: Sorry, but this is the business we've chosen.
Marge: But you're just promoting a negative Italian-American stereotype. You could be a pizza man, or an organ grinder, or...a...leaning tower maker...or...(trying to think)...a...did I say pizza man?
Fat Tony: (crying) You are listing my broken dreams. - Homer: You're going to juvie.
Jimbo: But I just got out of juvie.
Homer: Good, 'cause I need directions! - Homer: I don't deserve this job. I'm giving my badge to the next man I see.
Wiggum: (takes the badge) You know it's funny. This is how I got the job the first time. - Homer: The police couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party!
Bart (nudging): Dad! (camera pulls out, revealing Milhouse sitting on the couch)
Homer: Seriously! Everyone says your parties rock! - Lisa: Aren't you going to call the police?
Marge: Please! They couldn't catch a cold with...(thinking)...a, uh...a cold-catching...thing.
Homer: See? When you don't use Milhouse, it's hard. (rubbing Milhouse's head) I love this kid! - Ralph: Daddy, why aren't you at work?
Wiggum: I dunno. Why aren't you at school?
Ralph: My teacher says she's tired of trying. - Homer: (about Maggie) Aw, she's taking a nap.
Marge: Yeah. Probably thinking about the time she shot Mr. Burns.
Homer: She's just like Clark Kent. Whenever there's lots of excitement, she's nowhere to be found.
(Homer and Marge leave. Maggie wakes up and smiles right at the camera) - Mayor Quimby: I still believe in the Springfield Police Department. Behind these doors are the finest cops ever to wiggle into size 46 pants. Wiggum?
(opens the door to reveal the pride of Springfield...shooting a shotgun while blindfolded at a piñata)
Wiggum: How am I doing? Am I getting warmer? - Carl: Who'll be my partner?
Homer: I dunno. How about Lenny?
Lenny and Carl: Him? No way!
Homer: You do as I say or I'll have your badges! ...Once I make and give you your badges. - Homer: Isn't anyone going to help me? How 'bout you Dr. Hibbert?
Dr. Hibbert: Uh, Homer, I'd love to, but I have way too much to live for. I've just discovered Thai food!
Comic Book Guy: I would, but I have yet to kiss a human girl.
Captain McCallister: And I have a TiVo full of unwatched Dharrrrrma and Greg's.
Barney: Sorry, Homer. I'm a coward now, like all recovering alcoholics. - Homer: Ya know what we need? A little taste of winter. (gets out his dancing Santa Claus)
Lisa: No, Dad! We're trying to conserve energy!
Homer: Lisa, by doing that, the environmentalists win!
(Homer plugs in his Santa)
Santa (singing): Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Ro— (the lights go out)
Homer: Jingle Bell what? Jingle Bell what?!
Lisa: Dad, it's a blackout.
Homer: A blackout?! (groans) Every time Santa and I get together, it's a disaster. - Arnie Pie: (overlooking the riot in his helicopter) Well Kent, this city has certainly exploded in a fire of pent-up rage! (laughs nervously)
Kent Brockman: Arnie, I think what the viewers want to know...is my house okay?
Arnie Pie: What?! Do you mean "is your giant castle okay, KENT"!?!
Kent Brockman: Arnie, don't be mad just cause I bought it at the right time.
Arnie Pie: When's my right time, Kent?! When's my right time?! - Homer: Well, after looking through the evidence, I have come up with a preliminary sketch of the culprit. (shows a crudely drawn picture of Bart)
Lisa: Dad, that's Bart.
Homer: Exactly. (sees Bart in his room) Look at him over there, eating that apple. What's he planning? - Lenny: I don't hear an alarm. Let's take stuff.
Carl: Wait, isn't that stealing?
Lenny: No, it's just looting.
Carl: Sweet! Let's go nuts! - (at the town meeting after the riots)
Captain McCallister: Punks stole me glass eye! (pulls a small sphere out of his eye socket) This be a super ball! (bounces the ball off the wall back to his socket)
Agnes: In my day, we had people who stood up to ruffians! We called them "men"!
Sideshow Mel: I agree with the hideous crone!
Apu (in background as townspeople agree): She is ugly.
Drederick Tatum (with a black eye and his arm in a sling): I believe I speak for myself, Bumblebee Man and Comic Book Guy when I say, I blame Chief Clancy Wiggum. (this is a bit of an in-joke, as Hank Azaria voices these characters)
Wiggum: Its not all my fault you know. You were the ones doing all the looting!
Cletus (dressed in a tuxedo and top hat): Sure. Blame the victims. (to Brandine) Throw some Nikes at his head.
Brandine: What size? - Otto (who was seen stealing Picasso's Guernica during the looting): So, uh, can we keep the stuff we stole?
Dr. Hibbert (in a fur coat): I think that's implied. (Chuckles as he leaves on a segway) - Homer: You know I've had a lot of jobs: boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation-Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the Mayor, Country-Western manager, garbage commisioner, mountain-climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, powerplant worker, fortune-cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe and [[Missionary: Impossible|missionary]]; but protecting Springfield — that gives me the best feeling of all.
Soundtrack
- "Jingle Bell Rock" - Bobby Helms
- "Sugar Sugar" - the Archies
- "Summer in the City" - Lovin' Spoonful
- "Radar Love" - Golden Earring
- "Woke Up This Morning (The Sopranos Theme)" - A3
Trivia
- The sequence when Fat Tony and his fellow mafiosi get in the white van is a parody of the opening sequence of the American series The Sopranos. Also the characters of Silvio Dante, Christopher Moltisanti, and Paulie Walnuts are shown as Fat Tony's crew.
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