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Soccer AM

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right Soccer AM is a British Saturday-morning football show presented by Tim Lovejoy and Helen Chamberlain. It has been broadcast on Sky Sports 1 every Saturday morning from 9 a.m. to noon, throughout the English football season, since 1995. In 2002, Soccer AM's All-Sports Show was launched for Friday nights, an hour-long show catering for a broader range of sports.

The close of the 2005-06 season marked the completion of ten seasons of the show, and also heralded the beginning of it's own spin-off - Cricket AM. The success of Soccer AM has come from an eclectic mix of football, comedy and entertainment every week, and has seen its influence spread well beyond the world of football. Parts of the show have remained since the beginning, whilst others have been brought in each season. In that respect, it is virtually the same every week, the difference being new football footage and comedy skits. Every week sees a new group of celebrity guests, generally featuring at least one footballer (usually injured, suspended or retired, and therefore free on a Saturday), and a mix of musicians, TV personalities and other sportsmen.
Contents

Studio features

Fans of the Week

Nottingham Forest fans in the "Luther Blissett stand"
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Nottingham Forest fans in the "Luther Blissett stand"

The "Fans of the Week" feature has been a mainstay - where eight fans of a British football club come in as studio guests every week, seated in the "Luther Blisset Stand". They are featured in various aspects of the show, culminating in a team footballing challenge at the end of the programme.

The challenge, which takes place outside in the Frank McAvennie Car Park (accessed by passing through Jimmy Bullard's Back Door), involves the fans attemping to kick a football through a hole as many times a possible within the time limit. The challenge has been renamed almost every season, along with the props and background music for the feature. The other studio guests all have the opportunity to attempt to score as well. Its various guises through the years include:-

Legend's penalty

If there is a retired former footballer on the show, then they will almost certainly be asked to take a penalty in the car park against goalkeeper "Gianluigi Bouffant" (a parody on Juventus 'keeper Gianluigi Buffon). However, "Bouffant" was replace by another 'keeper, this one was called "Oliver Kahn't" (a parody of Bayern Munich 'keeper Oliver Kahn). "Referee Gallagher", (a parody on former Premiership-referee Dermot Gallagher dressed like Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher welcomes viewers "outside to the sunshiiiinnnnneeee", tells a gag about the player before they get ready for the penalty. After the penalty has been taken, the player then analyses the penalty with the help of a replay. During the days of "Oliver Kahn't", the replay had the words "Kahn't Cam" in the corner of the screen.

Soccerette

Model Lucy Pinder, the first celebrity Soccerette, catwalking with Tim
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Model Lucy Pinder, the first celebrity Soccerette, catwalking with Tim

The Soccer AM Soccerette has been a feature of the show for several years, and is, effectively, a woman - generally young and attractive - modelling the female version of the Soccer AM "Easy" t-shirt. Viewers can win the t-shirt by guessing the number of goals scored by the Fans of the Week in The Road to Wembley. The Soccerette is introduced by Tim and a chant of "bada bada bada bada BING!", and is asked a series of (usually loaded) questions that almost inevitably lead into pre-prepared gags. The standard question of marital status will result in rampant cheers in "single", and boos if "married" (although the latter is fairly rare). The former will produce the question "Do you have a boyfriend", to which the same answers apply. If the answer to either question is "Yes", Tim asks for how long. Regardless of the answer, it is declared "It'll never last!". The "Yes" or "No" is often now cheered or booed by video clips of real footballers or celebrities cheering or booing. The Soccerette is asked to Catwalk firstly with Tim and then with Tim and her choice of one of the Fans of the Week. The Catwalk is performed to Mr. Big Stuff by Jean Knight.

Stranger on the Sofa

Immediately after the 2nd advert-break in the show at 9:40 am, Tim and Helen are joined on the famous "orange sofa" by a member of the general public - a feature known as "Stranger on the Sofa". A brief description of the stranger is given, covering areas such as job, pass-times, personality, marital status and football team. Gags are usually placed wherever possible. Recent times have seen an increased number of strangers who have indirectly achieved mild fame through antics in Third Eyes or mobile-camera clips. Strangers have included Chris McClure (better known as the face on the cover sleeve of Arctic Monkeys' record-breaking debut album Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not).

Footballing Features

Nutmeg Files

A nutmeg is the term applied when a player plays the ball between his opponent's legs and regains control of the ball after going round him. Another ever-present feature of the show, the weekly edition of "The Nutmeg Files" shows a clip from the previous week's football matches of a player being nutmegged, while the "nutmegger" is superimposed shouting "NUTS!" ("Tunnel" (Italy) and "Petit Pont" (France), depending on which country the "nutmegger" is from). This feature is (very loosely) based on The Rockford Files.

Showboat

The Showboat is another weekly feature that shows clips of all the best pieces of skill from the previous week's football, covering the Premiership, The Football League and La Liga, as well as the occasional clip from the Football Conference. This has a special section dedicated to the one and only Lee Trundle and of course Ronaldinho.

Third Eye

Third Eye has been a feature of the show from its outset, and involves viewers sending in often-comical mishaps from the television (generally football matches) that may well have been missed by the majority of the viewing audience. These typically involve people falling over or being caught doing something stupid. A classic was a Mancunian woman trying to take pictures on her camera, realising half an hour later that the lens cap was on, or a Grimsby ball-boy calmly heading the ball back into play whilst slouched on his seat (the boy later appeared as a 'Stranger On The Sofa', or one where, during a match, Liverpool FC's John Arne Riise fell victim to the "mousetrap in the chewing gum" prank whilst sitting on the subs bench.

Taxi

The feature Taxi!, accompanied by the theme tune of the US sitcom, consists of yet more clips from the previous week's live football. The clips chosen are typically embarrassing displays of showboating gone wrong. The embarrassed player's name is then suffixed to the voice-over phrase "TAXI FOR...". Concluding with the quote "Taxi is filmed in front of a live stadium audience."

Recent seasons have seen Tim and Helen highlight several embarrassing moments from the previous week's football, the worst is coming last and introduced, as always:

Tim: "It's time for a trip to (stadium)".
Helen: "Taxi for (name)!"

Extras from Platoon

This tongue-in-cheek segment on the show mocks the over-acting of players when they are fouled in football matches the week prior to the show. It is accompanied by music from the 1986 movie Platoon, (Samuel Barber's Adagio For Strings) and shows players flying through the air while grimacing after receiving a "vicious" tackle, and are shown in slow motion. Many of the players look as though that have been shot - a notable element of the film that resulted in the ironic comparison.

Team Mates

Team Mates is the section at the end of the show where a player from a football team, is given questions, which they respond by telling which team mate, is more related to the question. The questions are as followed:

The Crossbar Challenge

"The Crossbar Challenge" is a relatively new feature to the show, and involves a weekly trip to the training ground of a British league football team. The entire squad, including willing coaching staff and managers, are filmed, one-by-one, introducing themselves and attempting to hit the crossbar of the goal from the halfway line. The feat is rarely accomplished - the majority of squads fail to hit the bar once. However, a successful strike generally provokes manic celebrations by the kicker and his teammates.

The current record is held by Northampton Town who hit the crossbar 3 times and were described by presenter Tim Lovejoy as "The best team in the world" as a result.

Soccer AM aim to, at some point, visit every team in the league, although this is likely to prove very difficult as clubs such as Man Utd are unwilling to allow players onto shows such as these. Players who appear as guests on "The Orange Sofa" are always shown their attempt at the challenge if it is one of the many on the database.

My Favourite Goal

A famous footballer is asked to name his 5 favourite goals throughout his career so far, and the choices are played (in reverse order) at various stages throughout the show. Notable appearances have included Wayne Rooney, David Beckham and Ryan Giggs. Ruud van Nistelrooy in this section was only asked to pick his top three favourite goals for Manchester United. The song used during the older version of my favourite goal is "Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put a Spell on You) " by Aqualung.

The Things I Know About Football

The show asks players and managers alike what they know about the beautiful game, when footballers or any prominent celebrity talk about what they know about football. An example when a non footballer appeared on this segment, was when British Chancellor of the Exchequer and Raith Rovers fan Gordon Brown appeared and famously quoted:

I know "that lots of cabinet ministers are interested in football and watch matches. If I had the choice between a football match and a cabinet meeting, I would choose a football match."

Comedy Features

One of the strengths of Soccer AM is its talented crew members. Throughout the show's history, its various producers and researchers have contributed to comedy skits, playing various characters. The level of talent varies, but they are all excellent sports and likeable performers. The show's humour is generally of the corny, old-fashioned variety, but no less hilarious for that.

Current performing crew members include "Fenners" (John Fendley), "Sheephead" (Joe Worsley), "Tubes" (Peter Dale), "Rocket" (James Long), Neil (Smythe), Robbie Knox (TRAMP! is sung every time he is mentioned to the tune of The Champ by The Mohawks), Jon Dyson and Chris Nutbeam.

Big Stan Hibbert

Another new, popular feature of the show - Big Stan Hibbert is "Here All Week". Hibbert - a northern, working-men's club style comedian, played by Fenners, makes an appearance early in the show with his standard mug one quarter full of beer, and cracks a joke to rampant cheers (and jeers). After his joke, he spins around on the spot at high speed with his beer mug held out wide, and when nothing spills (not a given) he declares "Centrifugal force!".

Topless Weather

Soccer AM's response to European television's more lewd feature of the same name. Celebrated Bolton Wanderers fan and crew member Sheephead gives his "weather forecast" for Britain without wearing a shirt. A popular member of the crew, he has recently taken to including gags in his forecast. Since the advent of Topless Weather, Southern England has yet to be forecast anything but "Light drizzle".

This part of the show is always introduced with a "sponsorship" message -

"Topless Weather, in association with "Gravy". Oooh, northern boys love "Gravy".

The background video of gravy being poured onto a plate of chips is a mimic of the television advertising employed by Bisto, where gravy is poured onto a traditional Sunday lunch with the voice-over "Ahh, Bisto".

Sheephead finished Topless Weather every week with "keep smiling, back inside to Mr. and Mrs. Lovejoy", upon which the sponsorship message is repeated, albeit with gravy now over-flowing from the plate.

Yorkshire News

Allegedy separate from the show itself, Tim announces that "It's time for the news from your region." Regardless where you are (or so it seems), "Yorkshire News" appears on the screen, anchored by "Yorkshireman" Geoffrey Trueman (Dyson). The headline story involves "yet another example that change is not good. The concept of change is almost certainly a gag at political correctness, and is usually blamed on "those rich London-types" from the South. "Change" has comes in the form of female employment, foreign cuisine, men dancing, and non-beer beverages, amongst others.

Ending the news with "S'thee later", Soccer AM reappears with Helen saying "Welcome back to Soccer AM!"

Tubes

Crew member "Tubes" (Peter Dale) has had a regular feature on the show in recent seasons, where he has "one question and one question only" to one of the studio guests. Tim asks "Who is your question for this week", and the answer results in a dimming of the studio lights and a spotlight on the questionee. Tubes' popularity has grown significantly - a public vote saw him being voted more popular than (crew member) Rocket - in part due to his woeful (but comic) rapping ability which he demonstrates every week before actually posing a question. Due to his weekly binge drinking exploits, Tim Lovejoy has called for pub landlords across the country to ban Tubes from their establishments for his own good. Tube's rapping has also been used in a parody of iTunes, where at the end instead of saying "iTunes", it says "iTubes".

A VHS video from 2000 was recently broadcast showing Tubes, dressed as a sailor, dancing on stage to the YMCA song.

Barry

Barry Proudfoot
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Barry Proudfoot

Soccer AM's own little sitcom stars Barry Proudfoot (actually Fenners) as Barry, Pugsy as Pugsy, and Vikki The Barmaid as Vikki The Barmaid. Set at The Wheatsheaf pub in Perivale, Barry is dressed in green tracksuits and aviator sunglasses, and is known for his hatred of Notherners, and catchphrases "Oooh that's a right touch!" and "He's taking some right liberties". Some famous faces have appeared on this section of the show as well, including Tim, West Ham fan Perry Fenwick (Billy Mitchell from Eastenders) and the band, The Rifles.

Barry also appeared in a Patrick McGuinness stand up. McGuiness asked Barry to come on stage and tell a few jokes to his audience, composed mostly of "Northerners". Instead of telling "tasteful" jokes to the audience, Barry started telling jokes that would be offensive to "Northerners" and got booed off-stage.

The \"Larve it\" song

A cameraman and a man with a microphone went round asking people about EastEnders as a spoof feature with people pretending to be cockneys. At the end of the feature the cockneys started dancing and singing the song: "We larve it, larve it, larve it, larve it, larve it" with a chimney sweep dancing with his broom. From then on people have been sending in video messages of themselves performing the "Larve it" song. Most recently the team have started to dance around with broom sticks and dance in a weird way.

A sign saying 'We Larve it, larve it, larve it!' was Held up by fans at WWE Wrestlemania 22 at Chicago's Allstate Arena. The sign was inspired by Soccer AM, and was the work of Crystal Palace FC Fans, who also waved a Palace flag during the pay-per-view

On the 29th April 2006 edition of Soccer AM the official Larve It song was played. The song features MC Neat Vs Soccer AM and will be available for download soon.

It is only available for download from www.napster.co.uk.

Other Features

Soccer AM Webcam

A new addition to the show, introduced in the start of the 10th season, is the [Soccer AM Webcam]. Refreshing every 5 seconds, it gave viewers the opportunity to view a live feed from the Soccer AM Office. Due to popular demand, it was later upgraded to refreshing every 3 seconds. The webcam soon gained its own feature on the show - a soap picking out the best behind-the-scenes moments from the office, and concluding with a cliffhanger of a will he-won't he.

The Ten-Yard Bucket Challenge

Borne out of the link between professional footballers and golf, "The Ten-Yard Bucket Challenge" sees a professional footballer attempting to chip a golf ball into a bucket from a distance of ten yards. The football-golf link exists due mainly to the amount of free time footballers are allowed in the daytime after training sessions, and Soccer AM's homage to golf involves a single personality from the world of football who attempts the challenge. One notable attempt was from Ryan Taylor, then of Tranmere Rovers, now of Wigan Athletic, who was not featuring in the challenge that week, but was accompanying team-mate Jason McAteer. While cameras happened to be rolling, he had a go and accomplished the feat in a single attempt. Many over-confident amateurs have been known to run tallies of well over a hundred attempts. The background music to the challenge is Ladyflash by The Go! Team

Club Specific

Achievements

As its audience share grew, its influence grew in turn. Some of the show's notable influences have included:

The full tag line was "Save Chip... Don't Let Sarah win!" The campaign involved a football fans plea to help save him from his girlfriend Sarah, who would not let him watch his favourite sport. It became a cult when banners appeared at countless televised football matches across the country and also made airtime in WWE wrestling events, rugby matches and many more televised sporting (and non sporting) events.
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The "Easy" logo from the male t-shirt
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The "Easy" logo from the male t-shirt

Other Content

Another memorable aspect to the show was in 2000 when Tim started to tell the same gag every week. The gag revolved around Steak and Kidney pies, and the gag would normally see Tim and Helen discuss what they'd eaten. Invariably, Tim would announce that he'd had a "Steak and Kidley" pie, to which Helen enquired: "Don't you mean Steak and Kidney?" Tim would then reply "That's what I said did'll I". This running gag ran and ran, to the point where even fanzone commentators performed the gag. Following on from one such occurrence, Tim pleaded with Martin Tyler and Andy Gray to do the gag during a live game.

Lovejoy actually had a few ongoing gags back in the day including famous one liners as "Is it a record?" "Oi fish head!" "Double sweet double douvet!"

Football League Trophy Play Your Cards Right

For the past few seasons, Soccer AM has had the privilege of being able to draw fixtures for each round of the Football League Trophy (until recently known as the LDV Vans Trophy).

This is normally done - in the style of British gameshow Play Your Cards Right - by Tim & Helen cutting oversized cards onto large holders, and turning them over one at a time to generate football matches, with Helen normally drawing the Home teams first, and Tim drawing the Away sides. This process is overseen by an independent ajudicator from the FA (Up until the end of last season, this was a man called Ian Christian, who would often have the Hallelujah music himself out of humour.)

As of today, the cards have only been dropped on the floor once, for which Tim was responsible. Thankfully, this happened before any matches were drawn properly.

See also

External links

Official: Unofficial: References:

 

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