T. Herman Zweibel
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T. Herman Zweibel (born 1868) is a fictional character, and the long term editor of The Onion. His life and times were recounted in a series of often surreal and bizarre editorials, ending in December 2000, where he was leaving the earth in a rocket-ship. Zweibel returned after a long absence in the January 5, 2005 issue of the newspaper.
The extremely elderly, senile Zweibel has supposedly been writing for the newspaper since the Spanish-American War and has been its editor since 1901, and still feels that Spain is a dangerous threat to the United States.
Facts
Through his prolix columns, which are characterized by his deliberately anachronistic tendency to hyphenate words for no apparent reason, the following facts have been gleaned:
- He has a strong hatred of modern humanity.
- He has an uneasy relationship with his manservant Standish, and in his will bequeaths him the name "Ephraim".
- He lives in fear of "that hideous mechanical ro-bot gentle-man, Mr. Tin," and Black Scarlet, a Robin Hood/Scarlet Pimpernel figure, later revealed to be the late Queen front man Freddie Mercury.
- He is easily frightened.
- He lives in a very large estate, and owns much of the land of the local town.
- He is protected by a regiment of the Swiss Guard.
- His last name is very similar to Zwiebel, the German word for onion.
- He is the mortal enemy of Brickton Atlas-Trumpet editor P. Oliver Gummidge.
- He also pens plays, and refers to himself as a "robber baron and plutocrat."
- He suffers from a myriad of diseases, and enjoys daily enemas.
- He has a crush on Lillian Gish.
External links
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