Tales from the Public Domain
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"Tales from the Public Domain" is the fourteenth episode of The Simpsons
Contents
Synopsis
Homer is told that he has an overdue book from the library, which he checked out when Bart was a baby. Before he returns it, he reads from the book, telling three stories.
D'oh, Brother Where Art Thou? ( In this story, Homer is Odysseus, and delivers the King of Troy (Ned Flanders) a Trojan horse. He and his crew, including Apu, Lenny, Moe, and Carl, kill all of Troy's civilians and win. However, he refuses to sacrifice a sheep, angering the gods, Mayor Quimby (Zeus), Barney (Dionysus), and The Sea Captain (Poseidon). Odysseus and his crew are forced to see the Sirens (Patty and Selma) and visit Circe, who turns his crew into pigs, whom he eats. Circe orders Odysseus to go through Hades, crossing the River Styx, in order to go home so he can see Penelope (Marge).
Hot Child in the City ( Lisa is Joan of Arc, who leads the French against the English in the Hundred Years' War. During a battle, the English capture Joan and put her on trial. She is accused of witchcraft, and sentenced to death. When Lisa claims that she was following God's will, Groundskeeper Willie reveals that he too was chosen by God, but to lead the English armies against the French. God's voice then excuses himself by revealing that the two were never supposed to meet.
According to Marge Sir Lancelot rescues her, and they escape and live in a spaceship. (Marge then rips out the last page and eats it, remarking that it is easier to chew than the video of Bambi.)
Do the Bard, Man ( Bart is Prince Hamlet in this Simpsons version of William Shakespeare's classic. His uncle Claudius, Moe, marries Gertrude, Marge, after killing King Hamlet, Homer. Prince Hamlet puts on a play to make Claudius reveal himself to be guilty, and because Hamlet knows what he did, Claudius attempts to kill him. Hamlet, aiming to kill Claudius, accidentally kills Polonius (Chief Wiggum). His son, Laertes (Ralph Wiggum, obviously), proposes to get in a duel with Prince Hamlet. Hamlet kills Claudius in the duel, and Laertes kills himself as his practice stab. Rosencarl and Guildenlenny (Carl and Lenny), meanwhile, have been covered in poison and kill each other with a high five. Hamlet walks away to celebrate, but he slips on some blood and dies. Seeing a big mess she does not want to clean up, Gertrude also kills herself, and everyone is dead.
Bart thinks Hamlet was boring, but Homer tells him that the story led to the hit film Ghostbusters, and all the Simpsons dance to the theme.
Trivia
- The title "D'oh, Brother Where Art Thou?" is a play on the film O Brother, Where Art Thou?, itself based on The Odyssey.
- Homer made a reference to Homer's Odyssey (7G03) during the introduction of the tale of The Odyssey; however the flashback he had does not allude to episode 7G03, as he mentioned about a minivan.
- The title "Do the Bard, Man" is a play on the song Do the Bartman.
- As Homer/Odysseus sails down the river Styx, the hit "Lady" from the band Styx can be heard. Homer cries out "Oh, this truly is hell!".
- In "D'oh, Brother Where Art Thou?" when Homer says he wanted to do something for 20 years, captions say 7 years.
Quotes
D'oh, Brother Where Art Thou? (
- Flanders/Priam: Now, throughout history, when people get wood, they'll think of Trojans! (After receiving Trojan Horse from Homer/Odysseus)
- Marge/Penelope: Brave Odysseus, it's been twenty long years. Regale me with tales of your adventures!
Homer/Odysseus: Quit suffocating me! I'm going to Moe's! - Sea Captain/Poseidon: Arrrr! Ain't I a stinker?
- Homer/Odysseus: Sacrificing animals is barbaric! Now, have the slaves kill the wounded.
- Mayor Quimby/Zeus (after Homer/Odysseus refuses to commit an animal sacrifice): No sacrifice? We'll teach that mortal to trifle with the gods!
Barney/Dionysus: I got it!
(he grabs a lightning bolt and throws it. We hear a massive explosion on Earth)
Mayor Quimby/Zeus: You fat lush! You've just destroyed Atlantis!
Barney/Dionysus: You used to be fun. Where's that Zeus who used to turn into a cow and pick up chicks?
Mayor Quimby/Zeus: He grew up! Maybe you should too. Poseidon, you take care of Odysseus.
Sea Captain/Poseidon: Yarr! I'll send him farrrr...off course. - Marge/Penelope: It's been so many years since I've seen your father. (holds a small framed-photo sized painting) I hope he's still the magnificent physical specimen he was when he left. (we then see the painting, which depicts Homer with chiseled abs and a full head of hair)
- Homer/Odysseus: (finds his men, who have all been turned into pigs by Circe) Hey, that pig looks like Lenny!
(He picks him up and takes a bite.)
Lenny: Hey, quit eating me!
Homer/Odysseus: Mmm, that's the next best thing to eating Lenny.
(Later, we see that Homer has eaten all of the men/pigs)
Homer/Odysseus: Oh, I'm still hungry.
Circe: Didn't you eat enough of your friends?
Homer/Odysseus: (horrified) What??? Those were my friends?
Circe: Yes, I've been saying that for hours! - Krusty: When we came here Helen of Troy was hot! Now look at her!
Agnes/Helen: This is the face that launched a thousand ships...the other way. Ha ha ha ha! (a reference to the style of comedian Phyllis Diller.)
Hot Child in the City (
- Homer (starts story): This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called "France". (dissolves to a French town and an English encampment. England fires an arrow into France, which fires an arrow back) The French were fighting the English in the Hundred Years' War, which was then called "Operation Speedy Resolution".
- Lisa/Joan of Arc: And please bless Mama and Papa and Bartran and Coco Chanel.
- [The French Army, commanded by General Clancy Wiggum, prepares to attack an English castle with a catapult.]
General Wiggum: All right, garçons. Trois! Deux! Un!
Major Lou: Huh?
General Wiggum: No, "un". You know, French for "one".
Major Lou: Well, you keep switching back between French and English.
General Wiggum: Just fire the damn thing.
(Major Lou and Lieutenant Eddie then fire a French soldier at the castle)
French Soldier: Sacre Bleu!!!! (hits the castle wall and limps back to the army) My fault this time, I didn't tuck in my legs. - Lovejoy: Joan of Arc, you are accused of heresy, witchcraft, and that man told me you pushed him. (English soldier shakes his fist at Lisa/Joan of Arc)
Lisa/Joan of Arc: I call my only witness, almighty God.
(Hans Moleman enters the courtroom and opens a hatch on the roof. A beam of light, the appearance of God, descends upon the witness stand)
God: I told this maiden to lead the French to victory.
Willie: What a minute, ya two-timin' spot of light! Ya told me to lead the English to victory!
Lisa/Joan of Arc: (gasps) Is that true, Lord?
God: (laughs weakly) Well, I never thought the two of you would be in the same room, actually. This is a little embarrassing. Goodbye now. (leaves)
Lenny: Wow, that was weird. Let's burn her! - Lisa/Joan of Arc: Let us kill the English. Their concept of individual rights could undermine the power of our beloved tyrant!
(the French Army goes to attack the English camp. The camera then shows two English soldiers still drinking their proper cup of tea)
English Soldier 1: They're attacking again.
English Soldier 2: I thought we had a truce.
English Soldier 1: Just because you keep saying it doesn't make it so!
(they are both hit with arrows and fall to the ground)
English Soldier 1: Oh. My word. - Major Lou (as Lisa/Joan of Arc attacks the English): Shouldn't we help her?
General Wiggum: Yeah, right behind ya, Lou.
(Lou charges but Wiggum sits back)
General Wiggum: (laughs) Uh-oh. There's my supervisor. (leads the entire French Army into battle) - Milhouse/Dauphin: Loyal subjects, let us drink to Joan of Arc, who will conquer the English...and has already conquered my heart. (makes eyes to Lisa/Joan of Arc)
Lisa/Joan of Arc: Uh, God says we should just be friends.
Krusty the Jester: I wouldn't say that King Milhouse is a loser, but that's the twelfth girl he's struck out this week!
Milhouse/Dauphin: Boil him in oil!
Krusty the Jester (as he is dragged off): So no 10:30 show? - Lisa/Joan of Arc: You can't stop me! I was sent by God! (gets captured by Willie) I want my mommy!
Willie: I captured a wee girl! (saddles up) I'm the greatest hero in English history! - Marge: God wants you to lead the French army to what?!
Lisa/Joan of Arc: Victory!
Homer: Victory!? We're French! We don't even have a word for it!
Do the Bard, Man (
- Homer: Our next story is "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare.
Bart: Dad, this writer can't compare with our modern super-writers. Stephen Bosco could kick Shakespeare's ass!
Lisa: No, this story is more interesting than you think. It starts with Hamlet's father getting murdered.
Bart: Cool. Does he get to marry his mom?
Homer: I don't know, but that would be hot. - Ralph/Laertes: I'm gonna kill Hamlet. Here's my mad face! (goes into a laughable "mad face")
Moe/Claudius: Heh, heh. Cute kid. But just in case you don't kill Hamlet, I put some poison on the food, on the drapes, even on Rosencarl and Guildenlenny here.
Lenny: If Hamlet touches either of us, he's dead!
Carl: Boo-yeah!
(Lenny and Carl high-five but kill each other) - Moe/Claudius: Alright Hamlet, you know the rules: Laertes gets a practice stab.
Ralph/Laertes: Oh boy!
(He stabs himself and dies.)
Moe/Claudius: Ooh, did I bet on the wrong horse. - Homer: Hamlet! Avenge me!
Bart/Hamlet: Dad?
Homer: Yes! I've returned from the dead!
Bart/Hamlet: Looks like you returned from the buffet. (chuckles)
Homer: Why you little! (tries to strangle Bart, but his ghost hands go through his neck) D'oh! - Homer: It's cold outside. You'll need a sweater. (spooky voice) A sweaatttteeeerr!
- Ralph/Laertes: Daddy's stomach is crying.
- Chief Wiggum/Polonius: I hide behind curtains because I have a fear of getting stabbed!
Soundtrack
Homer/Odysseus: Quit suffocating me! I'm going to Moe's!
Barney/Dionysus: I got it!
(he grabs a lightning bolt and throws it. We hear a massive explosion on Earth)
Mayor Quimby/Zeus: You fat lush! You've just destroyed Atlantis!
Barney/Dionysus: You used to be fun. Where's that Zeus who used to turn into a cow and pick up chicks?
Mayor Quimby/Zeus: He grew up! Maybe you should too. Poseidon, you take care of Odysseus.
Sea Captain/Poseidon: Yarr! I'll send him farrrr...off course.
(He picks him up and takes a bite.)
Lenny: Hey, quit eating me!
Homer/Odysseus: Mmm, that's the next best thing to eating Lenny.
(Later, we see that Homer has eaten all of the men/pigs)
Homer/Odysseus: Oh, I'm still hungry.
Circe: Didn't you eat enough of your friends?
Homer/Odysseus: (horrified) What??? Those were my friends?
Circe: Yes, I've been saying that for hours!
Agnes/Helen: This is the face that launched a thousand ships...the other way. Ha ha ha ha! (a reference to the style of comedian Phyllis Diller.)
- Homer (starts story): This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called "France". (dissolves to a French town and an English encampment. England fires an arrow into France, which fires an arrow back) The French were fighting the English in the Hundred Years' War, which was then called "Operation Speedy Resolution".
- Lisa/Joan of Arc: And please bless Mama and Papa and Bartran and Coco Chanel.
- [The French Army, commanded by General Clancy Wiggum, prepares to attack an English castle with a catapult.]
General Wiggum: All right, garçons. Trois! Deux! Un!
Major Lou: Huh?
General Wiggum: No, "un". You know, French for "one".
Major Lou: Well, you keep switching back between French and English.
General Wiggum: Just fire the damn thing.
(Major Lou and Lieutenant Eddie then fire a French soldier at the castle)
French Soldier: Sacre Bleu!!!! (hits the castle wall and limps back to the army) My fault this time, I didn't tuck in my legs. - Lovejoy: Joan of Arc, you are accused of heresy, witchcraft, and that man told me you pushed him. (English soldier shakes his fist at Lisa/Joan of Arc)
Lisa/Joan of Arc: I call my only witness, almighty God.
(Hans Moleman enters the courtroom and opens a hatch on the roof. A beam of light, the appearance of God, descends upon the witness stand)
God: I told this maiden to lead the French to victory.
Willie: What a minute, ya two-timin' spot of light! Ya told me to lead the English to victory!
Lisa/Joan of Arc: (gasps) Is that true, Lord?
God: (laughs weakly) Well, I never thought the two of you would be in the same room, actually. This is a little embarrassing. Goodbye now. (leaves)
Lenny: Wow, that was weird. Let's burn her! - Lisa/Joan of Arc: Let us kill the English. Their concept of individual rights could undermine the power of our beloved tyrant!
(the French Army goes to attack the English camp. The camera then shows two English soldiers still drinking their proper cup of tea)
English Soldier 1: They're attacking again.
English Soldier 2: I thought we had a truce.
English Soldier 1: Just because you keep saying it doesn't make it so!
(they are both hit with arrows and fall to the ground)
English Soldier 1: Oh. My word. - Major Lou (as Lisa/Joan of Arc attacks the English): Shouldn't we help her?
General Wiggum: Yeah, right behind ya, Lou.
(Lou charges but Wiggum sits back)
General Wiggum: (laughs) Uh-oh. There's my supervisor. (leads the entire French Army into battle) - Milhouse/Dauphin: Loyal subjects, let us drink to Joan of Arc, who will conquer the English...and has already conquered my heart. (makes eyes to Lisa/Joan of Arc)
Lisa/Joan of Arc: Uh, God says we should just be friends.
Krusty the Jester: I wouldn't say that King Milhouse is a loser, but that's the twelfth girl he's struck out this week!
Milhouse/Dauphin: Boil him in oil!
Krusty the Jester (as he is dragged off): So no 10:30 show? - Lisa/Joan of Arc: You can't stop me! I was sent by God! (gets captured by Willie) I want my mommy!
Willie: I captured a wee girl! (saddles up) I'm the greatest hero in English history! - Marge: God wants you to lead the French army to what?!
Lisa/Joan of Arc: Victory!
Homer: Victory!? We're French! We don't even have a word for it!
Do the Bard, Man (
- Homer: Our next story is "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare.
Bart: Dad, this writer can't compare with our modern super-writers. Stephen Bosco could kick Shakespeare's ass!
Lisa: No, this story is more interesting than you think. It starts with Hamlet's father getting murdered.
Bart: Cool. Does he get to marry his mom?
Homer: I don't know, but that would be hot. - Ralph/Laertes: I'm gonna kill Hamlet. Here's my mad face! (goes into a laughable "mad face")
Moe/Claudius: Heh, heh. Cute kid. But just in case you don't kill Hamlet, I put some poison on the food, on the drapes, even on Rosencarl and Guildenlenny here.
Lenny: If Hamlet touches either of us, he's dead!
Carl: Boo-yeah!
(Lenny and Carl high-five but kill each other) - Moe/Claudius: Alright Hamlet, you know the rules: Laertes gets a practice stab.
Ralph/Laertes: Oh boy!
(He stabs himself and dies.)
Moe/Claudius: Ooh, did I bet on the wrong horse. - Homer: Hamlet! Avenge me!
Bart/Hamlet: Dad?
Homer: Yes! I've returned from the dead!
Bart/Hamlet: Looks like you returned from the buffet. (chuckles)
Homer: Why you little! (tries to strangle Bart, but his ghost hands go through his neck) D'oh! - Homer: It's cold outside. You'll need a sweater. (spooky voice) A sweaatttteeeerr!
- Ralph/Laertes: Daddy's stomach is crying.
- Chief Wiggum/Polonius: I hide behind curtains because I have a fear of getting stabbed!
Soundtrack
Bart: Dad, this writer can't compare with our modern super-writers. Stephen Bosco could kick Shakespeare's ass!
Lisa: No, this story is more interesting than you think. It starts with Hamlet's father getting murdered.
Bart: Cool. Does he get to marry his mom?
Homer: I don't know, but that would be hot.
Moe/Claudius: Heh, heh. Cute kid. But just in case you don't kill Hamlet, I put some poison on the food, on the drapes, even on Rosencarl and Guildenlenny here.
Lenny: If Hamlet touches either of us, he's dead!
Carl: Boo-yeah!
(Lenny and Carl high-five but kill each other)
Ralph/Laertes: Oh boy!
(He stabs himself and dies.)
Moe/Claudius: Ooh, did I bet on the wrong horse.
Bart/Hamlet: Dad?
Homer: Yes! I've returned from the dead!
Bart/Hamlet: Looks like you returned from the buffet. (chuckles)
Homer: Why you little! (tries to strangle Bart, but his ghost hands go through his neck) D'oh!
- "Copacabana (At the Copa)" - Barry Manilow
- "Lady" - Styx
- "Ghostbusters" - Ray Parker Jr.
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