The New Statesman
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- For the British current affairs magazine, see New Statesman.
The New Statesman was an award-winning British sitcom of the late 1980s and early 1990s satirising the Conservative government of the time. It was written by Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran at the request of, and as a starring vehicle for, its principal actor, Rik Mayall. Many people consider the show a hybrid of Yes, Minister and another Rik Mayall sitcom, The Young Ones.
The show's theme tune is an arrangement by Alan Hawkshaw of part of the Promenade from Pictures at an Exhibition by Russian composer Modest Mussorgsky.
Castlist
- Rik Mayall as Alan B'Stard
- Michael Troughton as Piers Fletcher-Dervish
- Marsha Fitzalan as Sarah B'Stard
- Rowena Cooper as Norman/Norma Bormann (Series 1; she was credited as "R. R. Cooper" in order to keep her gender uncertain)
- Charles Gray as Roland Gidleigh-Park (Series 1)
- Vivien Heilbron as Beatrice Protheroe (Series 1)
- Stephen Nallon as Mrs Thatcher (Series 1-2)
- John Nettleton as Sir Stephen Baxter (Series 1-2)
- Nick Stringer as Bob Crippen (Series 1-2)
- Berwick Kaler as Geoff Diquead (Series 2)
- Terence Alexander as Sir Greville McDonald (Series 3-4)
Characters
The main character was Alan Beresford B'Stard, a selfish, greedy, dishonest, devious, lecherous, sadistic ultra-right wing Conservative back bencher. It was mostly set in B'stard's antechambers in the House of Commons and featured Piers Fletcher-Dervish (played by Michael Troughton, son of Patrick Troughton) as B'Stard's twittish upper-class side-kick.
B'Stard was MP for the then fictional constituency of Haltemprice. In 1997, re-drawn boundaries led to the constituency of Boothferry in East Yorkshire being re-named "Haltemprice and Howden". By an amusing twist of fate, the seat's first incumbent was renowned right-winger David Davis, a Conservative leadership candidate in 2001 and 2005. B'Stard happened to share a middle name with Norman Tebbit although he bore no other similarities to him either.
Memorable Quotes
On the future of the NHS:
"It used to be very simple; you were poor, you got sick, and you died."
On the woman's right to choose:
"It should be the State's right to choose. Ugly, stupid, poor people shouldn't be allowed to have children."
When being spoken to by a mugger:
"Sorry, I don't speak unemployed!"
Audience reaction
The sitcom was one of the most critically successful ITV comedy series of its day, and developed a strong following: the audience laughter was so loud and persistent that it apparently caused the show to overrun and the writers had to shorten the scripts to compensate. However, it was also cruel and irreverent, treating all its subjects with black humour and violent slapstick.
Return
In March 2006 Marks and Gran revealed that B'Stard would return in a stage show, having defected to the Labour Party as they are "young, sexy and more right wing than the Tory Party". [link]
Episode list
This is an episode list for the British sitcom The New Statesman.
Series 1
- Happiness Is A Warm Gun (September 13, 1987) - Alan is elected MP for Haltemprice as a result of a dirty tricks campaign, deflecting a police investigation by introducing a bill to allow police to carry arms.
- Passport to Freedom (September 20, 1987) - Sarah (Alan's wife) plans to divorce Alan, while Alan forgets his passport on the way to a conference in Germany.
- Sex is Wrong (September 27, 1987) - Alan gets involved with an anti-porn lobby campaign after hearing they have a good collection of exhibits.
- Waste Not, Want Not (October 4, 1987) - Alan is lumbered with an large amount of nuclear waste.
- Friends of St. James (October 11, 1987) - Alan gets involved with a shady scheme run by an old schoolmate.
- Three Line Whipping (October 18, 1987) - Alan nearly misses a television interview while at a brothel and attacks a taxi driver.
- Baa Baa Black Sheep (October 25, 1987) - Alan makes a deal with an American burger company in an effort to provide jobs when the local party thinks about deselecting him.
Series 2
- Fatal Extraction (January 15, 1989) - Alan puts forward a bill to disenfranchise the working class, in order to allow the Tories to gain control of a left-wing council in which oil has been discovered.
- Live From Westminster (January 22, 1989) - Alan takes the introduction of TV cameras in the House of Commons as a chance to improve his standing.
- The Wapping Conspiracy (January 29, 1989) - The press finds out that Alan has become patron of the Young Ladies' Recreational Association in order to get close to a number of nubile girls.
- The Haltemprice Bunker (February 5, 1989) - Alan joins a hunt for a Nazi war criminal, in order to put him on a lecture tour (rather than to take him to trial).
- California Here I Come (February 12, 1989) - Alan goes to Hollywood to cut a deal with a top TV producer but ends up in jail for possession of drugs.
- May The Best Man Win (February 19, 1989) - Piers plans to get married, his fiancee threatening to take Piers out from Alan's manipulative influence.
- Piers Of The Realm (February 26, 1989) - Attending a horse race, Alan makes an all-too-rare visit to his constituency. On returning to Westminster, he discovers that Piers is no-longer a mere back-bench MP.
Specials
Comic Relief (March 1989).Who Shot Alan B'Stard? (January 14, 1990) - Alan stages an assassination attempt on himself in order to urge the government to bring back capital punishment. The plan backfires when he ends up convicted of murder and sentenced to death.
Series 3
- Labour Of Love (January 6, 1991) - An even more right-wing MP (Victor Crosby) wins a by-election, usurping Alan's place in parliament.
- The Party's Over (January 13, 1991) - Alan manages the Tories' election campaign.
- Let Them Sniff Cake (January 20, 1991) - Animal rights campaigners issue death threats against Alan, who is also involved in drug dealing (guest starred John Sessions).
- Keeping Mum (January 27, 1991) - Alan supports a bill to reduce social security benefits to pensioners, until his own mother turns up.
- Natural Selection (February 4, 1991) - A local businessman challenges Alan's place as local Tory MP.
- Profit Of Boom (February 11, 1991) - Promoting capitalism in the Soviet Union, Alan is arrested after conspiring to assassinate Mikhail Gorbachev and incarcerated in a Siberian gulag.
Series 4
- Back From The Mort (November 22, 1992) - Alan is released from the gulag and gets elected as an MEP.
- H*A*S*H (November 29, 1992) - Alan attempts to make money from the possible legalisation of cannabis.
- Speaking In Tongues (December 6, 1992) - Alan invents a scheme to make money, using the European Community translators.
- Heil And Farewell (December 13, 1992) - Alan tries to take over a neo-Nazi group.
- A Bigger Splash (December 20, 1992) - Alan tries to make money from a shipment of aid to Bosnia.
- The Irresistible Rise of Alan B'Stard (December 26, 1992) - Alan tries to get appointed to an important government post, in order to avoid losing his fortune.
Special
A B'Stard Exposed (December 30, 1994) - Brian Walden interviews Alan about his return to parliament and plans for the future.
Stageshow
The 2006 Episode - Alan, now in charge of the fictional 9 Downing Street, assisted by his new sidekick Frank, the last Socialist in the New Labour Government (perhaps the country) connives with Condoleezza Rice and an al-Qaeda operative in an effort to have himself named Lord Protector of Great Britain.
See also
External links
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